10:26 p.m. | 2023-10-22
Yeah, so I had to slog through grief when my husband died. I was never sure that I would have a husband so that part was a pleasant surprise. The dying part was not so pleasant.
I have been on my own since I was 17. In a weird twist of fate, my parents left me. But not in the nest. They sold our nest which left me homeless. My mother ran off and married another man with a family and my father moved abroad to create a new life.
I, once again, had to pull myself up by my bootstraps or whatever. What it really means is that I had to do all the work to make my life pleasant. Or successful. Or meaningful. Or whatever.
Many people suggest that I am strong because I can pull myself up by my own bootstraps but I think that's bullshittery. I've pulled myself up many times in my life but not because I'm strong but because no one else ever showed up for me. Generally, that's called survival. I apparently have a undeniable will to live but I'm not sure that makes me strong. I think that's instinctive.
Maybe it's rebellion but probably not since I'm not rebellious. Maybe I became protective of myself because no one else was. My parents were teenagers and nothing good comes from that.
What I do know, and am grateful about, is that many people I call friends have shown up and made my life better. And included in those friends are my .