4:07 p.m. | 2003-03-16 If They Die, Bury Them In Your Parents� Backyard. When I was 25, I went to Germany for a couple of weeks to visit Dad and StepMom, and to attend the official opening of the Berlin Wall. I asked a very responsible young man (21), John, who I knew from work and school if he wanted to stay at my condo while I was gone. As he lived with his parents, he was quite excited about having his own place for a couple of weeks. At the time, I had two pet finches that I took in. They�d been Mother�s but she didn�t want them anymore. I gave him instructions on how to look after the place, including the finches, and then told him the following. (CI:) See this finch? He�s the male finch and he�s very old. It�s quite possible that he�ll drop dead while I�m gone. (John:) (Grimacing.) Really? (CI:) Yes, really. And, this other one is the female finch. She�s not that old but if he dies, she�ll probably die too. (John:) Why? (CI:) Because finches are all dramatic like that. Anyway, if they die while I�m gone, I�d prefer that you bury them in your parents� backyard. If you choose to chuck them in the dumpster instead, that�s okay but don�t tell me that. No matter how you dispose of them, tell me that you buried them in your parents� backyard. Okay? (John:) Um, okay. Do you really think they�ll die while you�re gone? (CI:) I don�t have the foggiest idea what they�ll do while I�m gone, but he IS very old so he might just up and die on you. I figured I should warn you. So, if they die, what are you going to tell me when I get back? (John:) That I buried them in my parents� backyard? (CI:) Perfect. Have fun while I�m gone. Shoot, throw a party or two if you want just don�t wreck anything or cause any trouble, okay? (John:) Okay. So off I went. I flew back in very late on New Year�s Day. When I walked into my condo, the birdcage was right where I left it only it was empty and totally cleaned out. I couldn�t find a note or anything from John, but I presumed my finches had died. I staggered into work the next day. (With the time change, jet lag and late night, I was pretty much a walking zombie.) I eventually hunted John down to see how things had gone. Here�s that. (CI:) Hey John. How�d it go while I was gone? (John:) I am so sorry. Really, I am. I don�t know what I did wrong but the finches DIED. Oh god, I�m really sorry. (CI:) It�s okay, you didn�t do anything wrong. Remember, I told you they could die. It�s okay, really. And, thanks for cleaning out the cage too. (John:) You�re not mad at me? (CI:) No, of course not. So what�d you do with them? (John:) I, uh, buried them in my parents� backyard. (CI:) You�re a good man, John. (John:) Are you sure you�re not mad at me? (CI:) Yes, I�m sure. I found out from the ladies at work that the finches died a couple of days after I left and John had been a wreck the whole rest of the time because he was sure I was gonna kick his ass when I got back. Poor guy. To this day, I have no idea whether he buried them or not, but I suspect he did. your thoughts? seed flower