10:49 p.m. | 2005-08-14 Oh The Mire Of Self-Discovery. Might As Well Be Quicksand. I always wanted to be an archeologist. Digging around in the times gone past. I haven’t achieved that goal yet that hasn’t stopped me from digging. However, my sifting has been relegated to my own psyche. The latest thing I’ve dug up? Yeah, I’d like to bury that again right quick and walk away. See, my recent jaunts amongst my many characteristics have revealed another huge flaw. And, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it. I’m a KNOW IT ALL. Ouch. I believe that’s one of those universally despised characteristics. I certainly don’t enjoy suffering a KNOW IT ALL. But, I am one and I have to LIVE with me so the suffering is endless. Fortunately, I discovered this some time ago so I’m in the process of correcting this irritating trait. Hence, I’ve discovered, once again, that I really don’t know too much. And, I’m wrong A LOT. For example, I don’t know what things cause a person to become a KNOW IT ALL, but I have some ideas. Absolutely, it originates from insecurity. I think that it also stems from trying to please – being a people pleaser. Ego certainly plays a part. (Again, that’s insecurity.) And in my case, being a deductive analytical thinker definitely adds fuel to the fire. None of those things make it an attractive trait by any means. It’s just ugly. For now, all’s I can do is work through it all. Let’s hope that characteristic vanishes and is replaced by, say, charisma. That’d be nice. In other mundane news, I stopped by a deli today to get some lunch. Being mindful of my new “I need to lower my cholesterol diet”, I ordered a chicken sandwich. Here’s that. (DeliGuy:) Can I help you Miss? (Miss instead of Madam, right on as I’ll be 41 this month.) (CI:) Sure. I’d like a chicken sandwich. (DG:) Would you like cheese on that? (CI:) No thank you. And, no mayonnaise or… dry bread please. (DG:) No cheese? (CI:) No thank you. (DG:) No mayo or anything? (CI:) No thank you. (DG:) Do you want onions, tomatoes, pickles and lettuce? (CI:) Oh, yes please. (DG:) You want extra veggies? (CI:) Sure. (DG:) Whenever someone doesn’t order cheese, I like to give them extra veggies. It just seems right. (CI:) It’s certainly appreciated. He really did seem confounded by the fact that I didn’t want any cheese on my sandwich. And honestly, it had nothing to do with my cholesterol diet – I just hate cold cheese on any sandwich. I love the extra veggies though. And, speaking of veggies, this week I’m having vegetarian breakfasts. One of my favorite dishes actually. It’s an eggplant, tomato and cheese (nonfat) dish. A baked dish. Midwesterners would call it a casserole. It’s chockfull of fresh basil and dill rye bread “crumbs”. So tomorrow I will know nothing and I will eat a vegetarian breakfast. And, I will consider this good progress towards a much less irritating personality and a healthy heart. But, in my dreams? I’ll consider it charming. And, I must thank all of you who left comments regarding marriage. All very worthwhile and quite knowledgable. Lots to ponder and consider. I can't really say that I'm surprised by all your wisdom, because you're all people I know to be smart... but, I can say that you impressed me greatly by your keen ability to focus on what's really important. Thank you once again. your thoughts? seed flower