5:38 p.m. | 2002-08-18 Do YOU Have a Duck�s Hand? I come home from work one day and there�s a note in my mailbox. It says: �Do you have a ducks hand? I have him. 555-5555. Please call.� Okay, I�m already confused. I tend to take things literally, so I�m already thinking that, well, a duck doesn�t have hands. It has two feet. Is this person asking me if I have a duck�s foot? If so, then why would they say they have him. Is this some weird �Godfather� type message or warning? Did they take my duck and leave one of his feet? I don�t have a duck so that whole theory is shot. Then, I start thinking about what would be similar to a duck�s hand � maybe they meant whatever that is. But, once again, that lead me nowhere. I didn�t call the number because, frankly, I wasn�t missing anything that I knew about. Everything seemed normal at my house. It took me until the next day to realize that the actual question was: �Do you have a dachshund?� I had to rely on my ability to decipher really horrible handwriting. I had to actually analyze this mysterious note in my mailbox. And, surprisingly, after years of deciphering really crappy handwriting, I found that I�m actually skilled at that task. And, interestingly enough, they actually spelt dachshund correctly except it�s not two words. (The note said �dachs hund�.) I felt relieved to know that it wasn�t some twisted extortion note and I was happy because I wasn�t missing any of my pets. I think it was actually a very considerate thing to do on their part � leaving notes in everyone�s mailboxes regarding a missing dog. (I presume they left a note in the boxes in the hood because mine had my house number on it. After writing this note many times, the writing probably got sloppier and sloppier.) *** On another note, we have some babies in the hood! Very adorable of course. (So now I am no longer the neighborhood default hot chick.) Now I�m the neighbor of nervous, first-time parents and squalling infants. I�m okay with some crying � as long as it doesn�t go on for hours � however, one of my birds is quite sensitive to it. He was an abused bird that I rescued. When he becomes alarmed, he does his alarm screech. And, alas, he�s very sensitive to the plight of others. Currently, the only time he screeches is when he hears sirens, and apparently, crying infants. I live behind a hospital and have two neighbors with newborns. Amazingly enough, you don�t really hear the ambulance sirens much � they cut them off when they�re near the hospital. But, those newborns are stretching their lung capacities. Thank god both sets of parents are attentive. Otherwise, it could get old really fast. your thoughts? seed flower