5:37 p.m. | 2003-10-09 I Feel Your Pain. Being in pain on a chronic basis has made me quite aware and sensitive about pain-related matters. Due to the fact that my pain is �invisible�, I don�t look like I�m disabled or even that I have any health problems. As I�ve ranted here many times, 99.9% of the people in my life (exceptin� those who also have an invisible chronic illness or disability) forget that I�m in pain all the time. It only tends to come to their mind when I complain or when the pain becomes so bad that it manifests physically (i.e., walking funny, sudden movements from muscle spasms, stiffness). I�ve also mentioned here how I tend not to spend much time complaining because people don�t want to hear it and I don�t want to even think about my pain, much less talk about it. So, almost all the people in my life forget that I�m in pain all the time unless I complain, and I rarely complain. For the most part, that works. People don�t treat me like an invalid and I don�t dwell in my fibro. However, it also works against me because people forget that many things are difficult or painful for me. This results in people handing me heavy items to carry, hitting me with doors (my arms can�t take the weight of a door swinging shut), and giving me migraines (from loud noises � music, restaurants, TV). If I have the strength, I remind them as kindly as I can that those things cause me pain. However, that usually goes in one ear and out the other because five minutes later, they�ve forgotten that I have fibro. It�s a frustrating exercise, so most of the time, I just suck it up. But that�s not nearly as frustrating as consoling someone in my life who is experiencing an acute case of pain. Now, I empathize with folks in pain very much. I really and truly know what severe pain feels like. Additionally, I really don�t like seeing people in my life in pain, sick or hurt, and do whatever I can to make them feel better. Here�s the troubling part. When they complain of their pain, it takes every ounce of self-discipline that exists in my pain-ridden body not to remind them that I understand how nasty pain is because I�m in pain all the time. It doesn�t go away in a few days, weeks or months. It would be completely selfish of me to use that moment to produce some sincere understanding of what I go through every day. That minimizes their pain and negates any consolation I�m providing. But truthfully? It is so hard to resist. See, when people learn that I have fibro, they have no sense of the pain I experience and it�s difficult to quantify it for them. A lot of pain to one person may be very little to another. Plus, the degree changes constantly, so I have �good� pain days and �bad� pain days, so to speak. However, when they�re telling me that their back hurts so bad they can�t get any sleep, and they can�t get comfortable no matter what (sitting, standing, laying down), and they really need some pain relief, and that they haven�t slept in 3 days and can barely get out of bed in the morning� I really want to say: �Well, now you know how I feel EVERYDAY.� More often than not, I don�t give in to the temptation, but every once in a while I do. I�m not proud of that, but it�s true. In other news, I saw OurBoss (Boss� Boss) this morning as I was headed out TheHotel. At the precise moment of our encounter, I was on the front porch, bent over, picking a cigarette butt out of a planter and placing it ashtray standing right next to the pot. Here�s that. (OurBoss:) Where ya headed? (CI:) (Confused.) Uh, to work. (OurBoss:) With a suitcase? (CI:) Um, yeah. He was referring to the wheeled case I take back and forth to work. Sometimes it has work in it, but it always has food in it (breakfast and lunch). We walked to the corner together and met up with someone who also works at MyOtherWorkPlace (where OurBoss works). They started talking right away so I just tried to be invisible so as to not receive an impromptu work assignment or something. It worked too, however he did make a point of interrupting his conversation to bid me adieu when we reached MyOtherWorkPlace. I�m so glad he�s always right there to witness my more dignified moments. Picking cigarette butts out of a planter. Gah. Just for the record, I had stopped to smell the flowers this morning. Had I not, I wouldn�t have run into OurBoss. Aaahhh, the irony of it all. It warms my heart. your thoughts? seed flower