| 2003-11-13 Toddlers Are The Best Teachers. My vacation from Diaryland and such has really just been a break from updating regularly. I�m still reading all of your entries because you guys make me smile, laugh and giggle. That makes me happy. However, I put myself on a semi-time-out from updating because sometimes, well, I just need to shut the fuck up. Surprisingly, no one ever tells me to. At least they don�t say so out loud. I�m quite sure that particular refrain has run repeatedly through other peoples� minds, but they spare me the verbal commentary. Anyway, below are some recent highlights of my days of late. Last Saturday, I slept in (shocking, I know) before showering and whatnot to get ready to go out to brunch. Before I headed out to my car, I went down to the lobby to retrieve my newspaper. You know, the one I pay to have delivered daily. However, much to my chagrin, it was gone. Here�s what happened. (CI:) (Believing the lobby was empty.) Dangnabit! Someone stole my paper again! Man, I hate that. (HotelManager:) Cruel-Irony? What did you just say? (CI:) Uh, hi. I didn�t realize you were behind me. How are you? (HM:) I�m fine. But, what about your newspaper? Has someone been taking it? (CI:) Um, well, yeah. It�s frustrating you know? (HM:) Do they take it often? (CI:) Not really. It�s just that, if I don�t come down here and get it before 8:00am, it�s gone. During the week, it�s usually here because I leave out before 8:00am, but on the weekends? Yeah, it�s usually gone by the time I come down here. (HM:) That�s terrible. (CI:) It�s okay. I�ll just go outside (pointing to the door) and buy another one. (Ironically, there are multiple newspaper boxes right in front of TheHotel.) (HM:) Well, at least let me pay for it. I mean, you shouldn�t have to pay for it twice. (CI:) No, I shouldn�t have to, but it�s only 50 cents today, so it�s no big deal. (HM:) No. Really, I mean it. We�ll pay for it. Just let me grab some quarters. (CI:) Okay. (I don�t think the HotelManager should have to pay for it either, but whatever.) (HM:) Here you go. (Handing me a roll of quarters.) (CI:) Oh, I just need two quarters, not a whole roll. It�s only 50 cents, not $10. (HM:) Just take it� it�ll make up for all the other newspapers you bought twice. (CI:) Thanks. For those of you not in the know, one of the concessions I made in order to move to my Dreamspace, was giving up ownership of a heavy-duty, major-capacity washer and dryer set. I now use the coin-operated shared laundry facilities of TheHotel. (The facilities being exactly one medium-sized, quarter-guzzling washer and dryer set located in the basement.) Anyone who uses coin-op laundry facilities knows that quarters are very precious. Sometimes more precious than gold. At least when you need clean underwear. So, yeah, I scored big time in that transaction. As inadvertent as it was. After that, I headed out for brunch. I tried a NewNewDiner this time. When I got there, I held the door open for an older, wheelchair-bound gentleman. He not only thanked me, but also offered to buy me brunch. Since that�s the time I spend with MyDeadDad, I declined. Remember what I told you� I don�t actually speak out loud to MyDeadDad, �we� just read the paper together. Except, he�s not really present. He�s just there in spirit. See, that�s why I need to take time-outs sometimes. What makes sense to me doesn�t always make sense to others. But, I know that regular readers know what I�m talking about. Lets just move on now. Job hunting. Yeah. I�ve been doing some of that. I�m tapping several different markets in my quest. In furtherance of that goal, I contacted MyFormerBoss (MFB). Now, I have a plethora of former bosses, but he�s one of my favorites. Anyway, he works in a particular field so he�s got a GateKeeper (GK), so to speak. The GateKeeper�s job is to, well, technically, guard the gate. In that field, the GK is the strongest line of defense between you and the person you want to talk to. Now, I have MFB�s personal cell phone number, but I don�t use that unless it�s truly personal and very important. I�m not a personal cell phone abuser. Just saying. So, I called his office and got GK. Here�s some of that. (GK:) Hello. ThisPlace. (CI:) Hi. MFB, please. (GK:) Um� may I ask who�s calling? (Translation: He�s here but he might not want to take this call.) (CI:) Certainly. This is Cruel-Irony. (GK:) Let me see if he�s available. (Translation: Let me check to see if he wants to talk to you.) Oh, I�ll transfer you right away. As an aside, I don�t call his office often enough that GK would recognize my voice. However, I�ve been a gatekeeper so I know how to break through all that stuff. Shoot, I�m currently the GK for MyDivision since our secretary ran off with the spoon. For two reasons. One, no one wants to do it. And two, I�m good at it. Make that three. Three, I agreed to do it just to make things easier. Anyway, here�s more. (MFB:) Hey Cruel-Irony! It�s so good to hear from you. How is everything? (CI:) Hey MFB! Everything�s all fine, or wacky or whatever. How�s Junior? He just turned three in September, right? And, JuniorJunior? How�s he doing? (MFB:) Oh, they�re great. Well, they both have colds and are sick and stuff � it�s that time of the year � but they�re both great overall. (CI:) Is Junior 6� tall yet? (MFB is 6�3� or more and his firstborn child is freakishly tall.) (MFB:) No, but he�s off the scales for his age. (CI:) What about JuniorJunior? Did he get that tall gene too? (MFB:) It�s hard to tell because Junior is so tall and I don�t have any friends with �normal� 3 year olds, so I don�t have any comparison. Same with JuniorJunior (he�s about 18 months), however, he�s in the 90th percentile for height. (CI:) So� Junior�s gonna be taller than me by the time he�s five? That�ll be a first. I�ve never looked up to a 5-year-old before. So to speak. (MFB:) I don�t think he�ll be that tall. (CI:) Hello? I�m under 5�. Remember? (MFB:) Oh, I forgot that you�re kind of on the short side. (CI:) Kind of? (MFB:) I forget that you�re so short. But, um, yeah� I think you�re right. Junior is gonna be taller than you by the time he�s five. Then, we talked all about the little ones and how fun they are and the silly things they do and how cute they are and all that. Eventually, we moved on to other stuff. To wit. (MFB:) So, how are you. (CI:) Well, this isn�t the best time of year for me. (MFB:) Oh yeah. It�s been almost a year since your dad died. Plus, this weather and the time change must be causing all sorts of pain. (CI:) Yeah. And, I got �notice� that I�m gonna be getting my �notice�. You know, I�m sure, that MyWorkPlace will be gone by the end of the year. (MFB:) What? Really? That�s insane. (CI:) It is. But, there it is. I�m back �on the market�. So to speak. (MFB:) That�s horrible. Wow. So, what are you going to do? Where are you looking? (CI:) Well, I�m tapping this market, that market and the other one. I�m keeping my options open. (MFB:) What do you have in mind for that market. I mean, what have you done in that regard. (CI:) Uh� well� nothing really. Mentally, I�ve done a whole lot, but uh� (MFB:) Yeah. Gotcha. (CI:) Actually, I think this call is my first step on that front. See, I�m calling you. That�s what I�m doing. (MFB:) Cool. Anything you want or need, let me know. I�d recommend you for any of the markets you want to tap. Hell, I�d recommend that you work here. Except, I don�t think we have any openings. Wait� I think we�re gonna have one in a couple of months. Oh, I just thought of something. Hey, call me later today, or tomorrow, or next week, or whenever it�s convenient for you. I think I just got added to the official GateKeeper�s list of the �people that you just ring through�. Then an old friend of mine called me out of the blue and invited me to lunch tomorrow. But, I think the best thing I�ve learned over the past several days was gleaned from this piece of conversation. (CI:) I love the little ones. Even though they just randomly spout out things that I know nothing about. Like Blues Clues and whatnot. (MFB:) I know. Sometimes, I have no idea what my kids are talking about. It�s all random. (CI:) I know, it�s like free association or something. They just start talking about something that has no relevance anywhere but in their own mind. I LOVE that. (MFB:) Me too. Even when I don�t get it, I love it. They haven�t figured out that the whole world doesn�t revolve around them, and that no one really understands what�s going on in their head. It�s like they think that I spend every single moment with them and understand whatever they say when they say it. (CI:) Exactly. Wait a minute� that�s what my problem is. I�m thinking that everyone else is spending every minute in my mind. Yikes! No wonder people don�t understand me. And, how huge is my ego? See, you learn a lot from the little ones. your thoughts? seed flower