11:57 p.m. | 2004-07-01 I�m A Total Wreck. A Wreck I Tell Ya. And, I�m tired. So fucking tired. The pain? Yeah. Feel it plus some. Muscle spasms? Sure. In my toes? Of course. Because� IT�S TOTALLY FUCKING ANNOYING. As is reading anything in all CAPS. In fact, I�ve annoyed myself to death today � several times actually � and I�d really like to beat myself up. Except, um, I�m too tired. And, it�d be painful. Plus I feel sorry for me. Not so much in a self-pitying manner, just in a factual manner. I�m all broken and that just sucks. You�d think that since I�m so tired I�d go to bed, but that�s not the case. Too much pain; too many spasms. I�d take a painkiller except I�d barf out my lungs, guts and perhaps my gallbladder. I�m not that ambitious. And, I�m really, really tired. Lest you forgot that for, well, 5 seconds or something. Lets just move along now. I�ve decided to study today�s youth. It�s a self-taught thing, of course. I�ve developed an interest because, generally speaking, I find them fascinating. Well, and quite ignorant, honestly. Not all of them � just some of them. And, I�m using the term �youth� generously. For the most part, the demographic I�ve decided to study � because I�m now somehow a social anthropologist or whatever � includes the 20-25 year old range. In some cases it extends all the way to 29. Did you know that studies show that, nowadays, the average youngster doesn�t mature until they�re 29 years old? I didn�t know about the numbers, but my experience tells me that it�s the general trend. Mind you, I�m not talking about my friends or anyone here. I encounter these folks but we don�t hang out much because I�m �old�. Anyway, a bunch of us went to HELL for lunch. Or THEMALL. Whatever you want to call it. One amongst us (OAU) had some questions for me. Here�s that. (OAU:) I hate this mall. (CI:) So do I. But I do like this restaurant so I can deal. (OAU:) What do all the people here do? I mean, don�t they work? Why are so many people here? I�m sure some are on their lunch break, but what about the other ones? Like that couple over there. What about them? (CI:) What couple? That mother and daughter or that guy and girl over there? (OAU:) Oh, you missed them. It was a guy and girl� he was wearing a blue shirt. (CI:) I didn�t see them. However, I�m guessing that couple over there are college students on summer break and they don�t have to work, most likely, because their parents are footing the bill. (OAU:) See, that makes me jealous. I want to go back to that time when I had no responsibilities. (CI:) Well, you�re talking to the wrong person because I don�t know what that�s like. I�ve been on my own, responsibility-wise, since I was about 2, and totally on my own at 17. I don�t know about that responsibility-free time of life. (OAU:) That�s why you don�t miss it. Because you never had it. When you�ve had it, you miss it. I do. Just to note, OAU still lives at home and doesn�t pay any bills. However, he does work and he�s very shocked that people have to work 5 days of the week. He�s currently working 4 days a week and thinks that�s too much. (CI:) Oh, but I do miss it. I know it�s there and I want it. I�d give up a year, several years actually, of my life to have at least ONE day where I don�t have to be responsible for EVERYTHING. It gets old, you know? (OAU:) What I don�t get is who teaches you? (CI:) Who teaches you what? (OAU:) How to be an adult. (CI:) Your parents teach you that. Mine started early actually. They quickly taught me how to take care of myself and whatnot. (OAU:) Oh. Well, that�s the old-fashioned way. I mean, who teaches you nowadays? There�s a lot I don�t know and I think I need to know about it. (CI:) Like what? (OAU:) I don�t know how to buy a house. Who teaches you that? No one taught me that. I don�t know how to balance a checkbook or make a budget. Who teaches you that? (CI:) Um, your parents? You have good parents and I would presume they�d teach you that. I learned from mine. Not so much about buying a house � I think you learn that when you do it although I, personally, know how to do that � but all that other stuff in regards to running your own household? Yeah, you learn that in school and from your parents. (OAU:) But I didn�t. My parents haven�t taught me that and they didn�t have those classes in school. (CI:) Well then, I guess there�s something to be said about �old-fashioned� parenting and �old-fashioned� schooling. (OAU:) How am I going learn how to be an adult? Seriously, he�s stressed about this stuff. I can teach him a lot of this, of course, but he often chooses not to hear it. He�d just rather that someone do it for him when he�s not complaining that no one taught him. I understand that. (Cross-Reference: All Car-Related Things.) However, I find it disturbing. Not the car-stuff, just the general life crap. Well, I mean, the lack of knowledge amongst the youth. General speaking. I�d be happy to teach him, but he really doesn�t want to know. He�s a typical teenager, except that he�s in his early 20�s and he�s completed college. Obviously a college education is not the holy grail. I�m rambling now because I�m in too much pain to sleep. However, I don�t really have anything clever or funny to say. That�s apparent, I�m sure. I will tell you this though. LittleNephew is turning 4 this weekend and, for the first time, I�ll be attending his party. As is StepMom, DearestSister, Happy, EldestSister, Mother and all associated parties. Except the Steps (step siblings). I�m tired already. Oh wait. I already told you that. Did I mention that I�ve been a tad cranky too? Oh, and I�m old. That goes so well with cranky, don�t you think? your thoughts? seed flower