11:28 p.m. | 2006-04-14 Why Am I Here? Because I�m just not updating so much anymore. When I first started my diary, oh I couldn�t wait to update it everyday. I had so much to say. Letters spilled from my fingertips so quickly, forming words and sentences, conveying thoughts. I was so anxious to fling my opinion all over the net. I had so much to say. Felt I hadn�t been heard. Wanted to lend credence to my voice. Yeah. Not so much anymore. I�m quiet when before I would speak. There�s a lot of noise in the world and I learned that I was a main contributor. A lot of my words? They don�t mean so much. Yet, being here, reading other people�s words, typing my own? I�ve learned this is a powerful place to be. It�s a place I can come to and pen whatever I want to. A place where I can discover other people, penning their own words, a place that�s seductively comfortable. The people I�ve met through my diary? Best friends. Honestly. I�ve been amazed by that. I sat down one day and typed into a box. Now I fly places to meet up with the most awesome people I�ve ever met. Minus the whole hook-up thing. I�m always vague when I run off to meet my internet friends, which makes people presume that I�m hooking up with some guy I met on the net. The more that I deny it, the more people think that�s what I�m doing. Why else would I fly to various states to hang out with people I don�t really know? For obvious reasons, of course. Reasons that you and I understand that others don�t. Lately though, I�ve been doing a whole lot of work. And, I haven�t been updating. Or reading, for that matter. Several things bother me about that. First and foremost, I haven�t been reading. So I have no idea what�s going on in your life. I hate that. Especially since work is to blame for that. You, all of you all, are way more important than work � without one single doubt � yet my boss doesn�t think so. Hence, most of my hours are spent working or sleeping. Nevermind that I would like to, um, date... or maybe even just update my diary, call a few folks, or well, see my family once in a while. That all makes something that is so easy to me way more complicated. I want to be here � and I fear that if I can�t be here for any length of time, I�m gonna lose all of you. I don�t care about numbers or any of that kind of thing, I just don�t want to no longer be part of this community. Surprisingly, to me, typing into a blank, white box turned out to be the equivalent to meeting up at the public pool just to put a toe in. Once the toe is in, it�s a whole summer of fun. The season should never end. And, for any of you who think this is some veiled attempt to say �goodbye forever�, you�d be wrong. I�m still here and I�d really be pleased with me if I�d update more. Since I don�t, and I�ve been thinking about that, if I ever did cut out, I�d still expect to be invited to all the Cons and whatnot. Just so you know. This community, if you will, is just too cool to not be a part of it. The fact that I�ve not been able to come here and spill an entry on a regular basis? I hope that doesn�t put me on the outs. In other news, this happened today. And, I was happy. (CuteGuyFriend:) (Addressing me.) Hey Sugar, uh, Lips, I know you want something, what can I get you? (Think drinks and not all that other stuff you�re thinking.) (CI:) I do want something. I want you to call me SugarLips every single day. (CGF:) Sorry. I suddenly wanted to give you a nickname and I wanted it to include �Sugar� but after I said that, I couldn�t think of anything that went with �Sugar� other than, um, �lips�. (MutualFriend:) (Laughing) SugarLips? (CGF:) (Turning to MF) Well, what would you say after �sugar�? (MF:) Uh, SugarLips? (CI:) Exactly. (And really, I do want someone to call me SugarLips. Everyday. I�ve never been called that before, but as nicknames go, absolutely.) (CGF:) So, what�d you want? (CI:) A beer. Thanks, BabyCakes. (MF:) Um, our table�s ready. Are you guys done with the SugarLips or whatever? There�s humor there, trust me. There�s nothing between CGF and I or MF and I or CGF and MF or whatever. It was just sweet. Nicknaming people is always like that. But, SugarLips? Awesome nickname. And, I do love to hear it. Perhaps I should start dating. Just a thought. your thoughts? seed flower