10:41 a.m. | 2012-11-25 A Decade Ago Yesterday, we went to StepMom's house for a memorial lunch for Dad. He died ten years ago yesterday of a massive heart attack. While not unexpected as he had heart/health problems, it was a surprise. We had a lovely lunch and reminisced with Stepmom, FavoriteSister and YoungerSister. Oddly enough, it was also the nine-year anniversary of the death of EldestNephew's father. My father's and his father's deaths were the bookends to the Year of Death wherein a total of six of my family members died. It was a tough year, that's for sure. But, life goes on. In that ten years, I've changed jobs twice, moved twice, become much closer to YoungerSister, become mentally and physically healthier (my fibromyalgia went into remission about seven years ago), come to terms with my mother and best of all, met, fell in love and married Mr. Irony. Of all things, I think Dad would've been most thrilled with my marriage. He always wanted me to marry up; I think he felt responsible for me until I wed even though he hadn't been responsible for me since I was 17. I was 38 and single when he died so I'm sure he wasn't optimistic that I'd ever get hitched A lovely time was had and it was great to see family. I miss Dad though. I was close to him until he moved to Germany when I was 17 and left me behind. At the time, my parents were divorced and I was living with Dad. He wanted to make a big change in his life; leave his old one behind. And, he pretty much did. His departure left me homeless so that was a hard pill to swallow. Dad believed that once a child graduated from high school, they were grown and should be cast out into the world. I'm not sure where he got that idea although it was a common one in his generation. Back then, in the industrial age, a youngster could get a job that paid a living wage and could afford housing and whatnot. That was not so much the case for my generation. Anyway, his abandonment caused some wounds which were slow to heal and our relationship was rocky for many years after that. I struggled to understand why he had left me behind and he didn't want to talk about it so we sort of got stuck in moving forward. Once I realized that I couldn't have a relationship with him that focused on the past, I refocused on the future and reached out to him. We had begun to reclaim our relationship when he died. I'm positive that had he lived, we would've become as close as we were when I was young. While I grieve of that lost opportunity, I take comfort in knowing we were well on our way. As an adult, albeit childless, I understand the difficult position he was in when he made a decision to leave and think it was something he really needed to do for himself. Could he have handled it better? Sure. But we don't always handle things in the best of ways. And, in the long run, things turned out well for both of us. your thoughts? seed flower