10:34 p.m. | 2005-10-13 When Asshole Is Too Kind Of A Word. Feel free to substitute asshole with bitch if it’s applicable to your experience. And yes, I’m talking about dating. I do some things very well. But, dating is not one of them. Someone once told me that they stopped dating because they didn’t do it well. They threw in the towel. Gave up on that whole thing. While I refuse to give up on it, I’m on a hiatus from it for that very reason. Instead, I’ve decided to focus on myself and figure out what my problem is. Why I feel compelled to date chumps. Really, the guys I’ve dated are chumps. Not assholes. Calling someone an asshole, to me, implies that I’m invested in some way. That there’s some sort of passion, albeit misguided, involved. Examining my history, yeah… not so much. Lots of potential and nothing else. I tend to fall in love with “potential”. Potential that displays an interest in me. In other words, potential interest. Which is pretty much the same as having a relationship with myself. The guy just has to show up with some potential and have a little interest and I’m standing by ready to spin that into something that doesn’t exist. It provides me with just enough raw, if you will, material to construct a phantom relationship that exists solely in my mind. And, I’ve created just that because chumps don’t bring it, give or in any way represent anything I’ve created in my head. Hence, a relationship with myself is born. Interestingly, I’ve broken up with myself many times over the last twenty years. This might sound somewhat incestuous to you as well it should. I don’t recommend dating yourself. Especially when you don’t feel you even deserve yourself. See, it is just that incestuous. But stopping that kind of cycle requires just that sort of in-depth examination and realization. Creepy as it may be. And it is creepy to realize that you’re essentially dating yourself. Invasive too. So I’m 41, single, never been married and not dating. My girlfriends run the age gambit but are also single and never been married. But, they’re dating. They’re, of course, dating chumps. Hence, they have a lot of free time that they’re willing and wanting to spend with me. I’m learning so much. See, when I’m all wrapped up in my own dating disasters, I’m too busy comparing war stories to really think about what’s happening. In my relationship or their relationships. I discovered though that since I’m eschewing any and all romantic relationships at the moment, I have a new clarity about such things. My friends are intelligent, educated, attractive and funny women. I’ve always known that. I’ve also always thought their boyfriends were assholes. Now, I’d call them chumps. Plus, I’m pissed. Their boyfriends treat them like crap which makes me angry at the same time it enlightens me in regards to my own tendencies. One thing that is different is that I no longer placate my girlfriends. I used to think it was unsupportive and rude to suggest to my friends that they were being treated poorly or that they should be anything but ecstatic about a new relationship. I’ve stopped doing that. And, you know what? I have very intelligent, educated, attractive and funny girlfriends who are strong enough to take my toughest remarks. They appreciate it, in fact, which is a surprise to me. Lest you get the wrong idea, I absolutely do not sit in a place of judgment. My girlfriends know, as I do that if I were dating right now? Yeah, I’d be dating a chump too. I’d like to think differently, but I’m not ready to test that theory just yet. Soon though. your thoughts? seed flower