10:11 p.m. | 2006-03-24 Goodbyes. I’m not good with goodbyes. As is evident with my normal parting words: “See ya” or better yet: “Talk to ya later”. Ironically, I say “goodbye” to the cashiers at my local grocery store every single week. Knowing full well that I’ll see ‘em next week. Yet when someone I really care about is leaving my daily life? I’ll often avoid the whole “goodbye” thing. I’ll leave. I’ll walk around the block – even in freezing cold weather – acting like I have a serious appointment to attend just to avoid that whole thing. I’m working to change that and I have. Kinda. I think my discomfort with saying goodbye stems from my childhood. Or well, obviously it does. We moved around a lot when I was young. About every two years. That was hard. By nature, I’m a shy person. I had to get over that real quick as we moved, repeatedly, to small towns. I had to crash cliques in order to make friends – strong cliques made up of kids who’d been together since birth – only to say “see ya” two years later. I’ve always been much better at saying “hello” than “goodbye”. I came to develop a habit of sneaking away. It was easier that way. At least for me. I never knew what to say. At least out loud. So many people have meant so much to me over the years. But you know, when you crash a really tight clique of people who have always been together and always will be? It comes across as crazy when you cry, profess serious feelings or claim that you can’t imagine life without them. Really, it does. Makes complete sense if you’re moving state to state on a regular basis though, because it’s really genuine – and should be flattering, actually – but it’s crazy to the locals. Well, and regular people I suppose. Context can really be important sometimes. Anyway, I had to say goodbye to a really good friend today. It was awkward for both of us, I think. With email and whatnot, it’s not like they’re gone forever but I won’t see them on a daily basis. And, I sucked at saying goodbye today. I didn’t speak one word about how much I care. Not a one. One thing I love about JournalCon and WeetaPieCon? Sad faces. When you hug and say “sad faces”? Everybody gets that. And, it works. “Sad faces” says it all for you. It’s “had a good time”, "love ya" and “later” combined. It somehow combines all the powerful emotions you feel about another person with the reassurance that you’ll see them again. I wanted to say that so much today. I didn’t because it’s one of those Con things that only certain people understand. The words, not the sentiment. I think the sentiment was and has always been understood in this particular case. But to have those words as you part? It’d be comforting. I wish everyone understood the complexity and emotion behind “sad faces”. It’d make goodbyes much easier for sure. your thoughts? seed flower