10:11 p.m. | 2006-03-24 Goodbyes. I�m not good with goodbyes. As is evident with my normal parting words: �See ya� or better yet: �Talk to ya later�. Ironically, I say �goodbye� to the cashiers at my local grocery store every single week. Knowing full well that I�ll see �em next week. Yet when someone I really care about is leaving my daily life? I�ll often avoid the whole �goodbye� thing. I�ll leave. I�ll walk around the block � even in freezing cold weather � acting like I have a serious appointment to attend just to avoid that whole thing. I�m working to change that and I have. Kinda. I think my discomfort with saying goodbye stems from my childhood. Or well, obviously it does. We moved around a lot when I was young. About every two years. That was hard. By nature, I�m a shy person. I had to get over that real quick as we moved, repeatedly, to small towns. I had to crash cliques in order to make friends � strong cliques made up of kids who�d been together since birth � only to say �see ya� two years later. I�ve always been much better at saying �hello� than �goodbye�. I came to develop a habit of sneaking away. It was easier that way. At least for me. I never knew what to say. At least out loud. So many people have meant so much to me over the years. But you know, when you crash a really tight clique of people who have always been together and always will be? It comes across as crazy when you cry, profess serious feelings or claim that you can�t imagine life without them. Really, it does. Makes complete sense if you�re moving state to state on a regular basis though, because it�s really genuine � and should be flattering, actually � but it�s crazy to the locals. Well, and regular people I suppose. Context can really be important sometimes. Anyway, I had to say goodbye to a really good friend today. It was awkward for both of us, I think. With email and whatnot, it�s not like they�re gone forever but I won�t see them on a daily basis. And, I sucked at saying goodbye today. I didn�t speak one word about how much I care. Not a one. One thing I love about JournalCon and WeetaPieCon? Sad faces. When you hug and say �sad faces�? Everybody gets that. And, it works. �Sad faces� says it all for you. It�s �had a good time�, "love ya" and �later� combined. It somehow combines all the powerful emotions you feel about another person with the reassurance that you�ll see them again. I wanted to say that so much today. I didn�t because it�s one of those Con things that only certain people understand. The words, not the sentiment. I think the sentiment was and has always been understood in this particular case. But to have those words as you part? It�d be comforting. I wish everyone understood the complexity and emotion behind �sad faces�. It�d make goodbyes much easier for sure. your thoughts? seed flower