11:28 p.m. | 2006-04-14 Why Am I Here? Because I’m just not updating so much anymore. When I first started my diary, oh I couldn’t wait to update it everyday. I had so much to say. Letters spilled from my fingertips so quickly, forming words and sentences, conveying thoughts. I was so anxious to fling my opinion all over the net. I had so much to say. Felt I hadn’t been heard. Wanted to lend credence to my voice. Yeah. Not so much anymore. I’m quiet when before I would speak. There’s a lot of noise in the world and I learned that I was a main contributor. A lot of my words? They don’t mean so much. Yet, being here, reading other people’s words, typing my own? I’ve learned this is a powerful place to be. It’s a place I can come to and pen whatever I want to. A place where I can discover other people, penning their own words, a place that’s seductively comfortable. The people I’ve met through my diary? Best friends. Honestly. I’ve been amazed by that. I sat down one day and typed into a box. Now I fly places to meet up with the most awesome people I’ve ever met. Minus the whole hook-up thing. I’m always vague when I run off to meet my internet friends, which makes people presume that I’m hooking up with some guy I met on the net. The more that I deny it, the more people think that’s what I’m doing. Why else would I fly to various states to hang out with people I don’t really know? For obvious reasons, of course. Reasons that you and I understand that others don’t. Lately though, I’ve been doing a whole lot of work. And, I haven’t been updating. Or reading, for that matter. Several things bother me about that. First and foremost, I haven’t been reading. So I have no idea what’s going on in your life. I hate that. Especially since work is to blame for that. You, all of you all, are way more important than work – without one single doubt – yet my boss doesn’t think so. Hence, most of my hours are spent working or sleeping. Nevermind that I would like to, um, date... or maybe even just update my diary, call a few folks, or well, see my family once in a while. That all makes something that is so easy to me way more complicated. I want to be here – and I fear that if I can’t be here for any length of time, I’m gonna lose all of you. I don’t care about numbers or any of that kind of thing, I just don’t want to no longer be part of this community. Surprisingly, to me, typing into a blank, white box turned out to be the equivalent to meeting up at the public pool just to put a toe in. Once the toe is in, it’s a whole summer of fun. The season should never end. And, for any of you who think this is some veiled attempt to say “goodbye forever”, you’d be wrong. I’m still here and I’d really be pleased with me if I’d update more. Since I don’t, and I’ve been thinking about that, if I ever did cut out, I’d still expect to be invited to all the Cons and whatnot. Just so you know. This community, if you will, is just too cool to not be a part of it. The fact that I’ve not been able to come here and spill an entry on a regular basis? I hope that doesn’t put me on the outs. In other news, this happened today. And, I was happy. (CuteGuyFriend:) (Addressing me.) Hey Sugar, uh, Lips, I know you want something, what can I get you? (Think drinks and not all that other stuff you’re thinking.) (CI:) I do want something. I want you to call me SugarLips every single day. (CGF:) Sorry. I suddenly wanted to give you a nickname and I wanted it to include “Sugar” but after I said that, I couldn’t think of anything that went with “Sugar” other than, um, “lips”. (MutualFriend:) (Laughing) SugarLips? (CGF:) (Turning to MF) Well, what would you say after “sugar”? (MF:) Uh, SugarLips? (CI:) Exactly. (And really, I do want someone to call me SugarLips. Everyday. I’ve never been called that before, but as nicknames go, absolutely.) (CGF:) So, what’d you want? (CI:) A beer. Thanks, BabyCakes. (MF:) Um, our table’s ready. Are you guys done with the SugarLips or whatever? There’s humor there, trust me. There’s nothing between CGF and I or MF and I or CGF and MF or whatever. It was just sweet. Nicknaming people is always like that. But, SugarLips? Awesome nickname. And, I do love to hear it. Perhaps I should start dating. Just a thought. your thoughts? seed flower