2:49 p.m. | 2002-06-23 Well, Hey There Shy Girl. I belive I was born a shy person. However, I soon learned that, in order to survive, I was gonna have to find my own voice and learn to speak for myself. My parents were too wrapped up on their own twisted little dramas to really give a hoot about their kids. And, frankly, I'd be frightened if either of them ever spoke on my behalf. And, wow, did I find my own voice. It's rather loud and constant. You usually can't shut me up. You can even look me in the eye and tell me to shut up and I'll continue to prattle one. But that usually only happens when I'm hopped up on caffeine. Consequently, I try to stay away from the stuff. Nothing like watching yourself become completely obnoxious and being unable to stop yourself. And yet, there's still this shy side of me that pops up at the oddest moments and surprises me and my friends/loved ones. Today, Shy Girl made her debut at the grocery store. I finally dragged my sorry ass away from my house and went grocery shopping. And, let me just say that I've been hungry for quite awhile now, but since I hate grocery shopping, I actually have to be ravenously hungry before I go shopping. So, I'm at the store and painfully aware of anyone who even glances my direction. I can't look people in the eye, I'm shuffling down the aisles, and I'm not even singing along to the MUSAK playing in the background. I am lookin' at the ground. Go figure. And, I swear, everyone was looking at me. Or maybe it just seemed that way. I finally get to the checkout stand. The clerk is scanning my items while I'm doing my debit card transaction. Here's our astounding conversation: (Clerk): How are you today? (CI): Fine. (Did I just squeak?) (Clerk): Did you find everything okay? (CI): Nods. (Clerk): Paper or plastic? (CI): PAPER! (Did I just shout? I really need some paper bags, can ya tell?) (Clerk): Would you like cash back? (CI): Shakes head. (Clerk): Have a nice day! (CI): (God, stop looking at me already!) Usually my conversations with the clerk are witty, rambunctious and fun. But not today. I leave the store wondering what happened to my voice. Chatty Cathy has apparently morphed into Mute Molly. Whatever. I was happy to get back home, as it is apparently painful for me to be around people right now due to my shyness. God, I can be such a freak sometimes. Don't worry, I'm sure Shy Girl will retreat and I'll be back to my normal self soon. Meanwhile, I got me some food! I came home and cooked myself a steak - my body was screaming for some iron - and baked potato. And, I have spareribs stewing in BBQ sauce in the ole crockpot. And, I have a huge, gorgeous, plump artichoke in the frig just begging to be boiled! One cool thing about my neglectful shopping habits is that when I finally get food into my home, I feel like I've happened across a huge smorgasbord going on in my own kitchen. I throw open the frig and I am overwhelmed with choices. Usually, I'm choosing between a can of chicken noodle soup or a can of string beans. Such bounty! But, obviously, I won't be inviting anyone over for dinner seeing as how I'm so shy and all. Lord, I really wonder about myself sometimes... your thoughts? seed flower