2:41 p.m. | 2002-09-07 Reflections. I think I was born an optimist but was molded into a pessimist then morphed into a cynical Pollyana when I got sick and my very survival and sanity deemed it necessary. I find it necessary to obtain some sort of relief from the constant pain and the random odd, freaky and scary symptoms I experience everyday. To that end, I went about trying to find the good things in life, the beauty in life and the wonder in life. And, I discovered that there is a veritable bounty of such things. Over the years, I�ve also learned that people are very important to me and you never know what�s going to happen, so you should let people know how you feel about them when you�re feeling it. You should let them know you appreciate them or that they�ve touched you somehow or that you�re just grateful they�re in your life. And, you should never be miserly with the �I love yous�. Alas, I now have a tendency to be, well, kind of sappy sometimes. Yeah, I know, I couldn�t believe it either. And, yes, it�s kind of embarrassing but you know what, I don�t really care what other people think. All through my life, I�ve lost people to the grim reaper so I know he�s out there lurking about, so I don�t ever want to miss an opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to me. When I was in 4th grade, my best friend dropped dead right in front of me. (She had a stroke.) My first boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident when he was 14. Throughout high school, I lost several friends to accidents and suicide. One of my favorite co-workers died when I was in my twenties, as did the husband of one of my dearest friends. I sat in a hospital room and watched my uncle take his last breath during finals week of my first year of law school. (He died from a reaction to dye used in a medical test.) My mother died once during my second year and again in my third year. (She always comes back though.) One law school classmate was murdered while another died of cancer. And of course, I�ve lost relatives and others to old age, heart attacks, and so on. Right now, both my aunt and uncle have incurable, inoperable cancers they�ve been fighting for 10 and 4 years, respectively. (Imagine how terrible that is for my 4 cousins.) One of my favorite Diarylanders, bluering, has terminal cancer also. Another favorite, TranceJen is struggling hard to keep visions of the grim reaper at bay due to MS. I live behind 2 hospitals and my house is in the flight path of the Life Flight helicopters of both of them. Whenever they fly over, I stop and offer up a prayer for whoever is in the helicopter and everyone in their life because their lives are now going to be altered forever, whether or not the person survives. (If they�re being life-flighted, it�s bad. And, one of the hospitals is strictly a children�s hospital.) I�m a realist. Death is part of life. It�s very painful to lose someone you love, however, I�m always grateful for whatever time I had with them while they were here. When I know someone is dying, I spend as much time with them as I can because that�s all the time I�m ever going to have with them and I want to treasure it. I consider it a gift just to know that their death is approaching; with the sudden, unexpected deaths, you lose that opportunity to spend time and say goodbye. As sad as I am to see people go, I�m also grateful I had the opportunity to know them. An ice cream truck just drove by playing its happy, tinny tune. See, that�s what life is about. I have Life Flight helicopters intermingling with ice cream trucks in my neighborhood, and in my life. What made me reflect on this is that I received a birthday gift of wind chimes, a little book entitled �the Serenity Book�, and a bookstore gift certificate. Since I�ve become sappy, I get gifts like this and I love them all. I now own about 10 different wind chimes, all gifts. I lost count of the inspirational books. I get a lot of candles and garden decorations. And, books of all kinds. I love all these things. I use/read/burn/enjoy all of them. Especially because they�re really designed to make me happy � not the giver. The givers usually don�t get all worked up about these kinds of things. Well, except for books in general. But they know I enjoy the little, beautiful and pleasant things in life. It made me chuckle though thinking of what the givers are thinking when they go to buy me a gift. I think I�m easy to buy for. Shoot, I�m a rockhound � a lapidariest � so I collect, grind and polish rocks. Give me a handful of rocks from your backyard and I get all giddy. (Lord, I�m a sappy geek!) But, I imagine some givers are thinking: �What do you get for a geeky, sappy, gardener?� Anyway, I decided that in honor of the impending anniversary of September 11, that I will share with all of you from my new Serenity Book via my entries this month. We will all be mourning this national tragedy and maybe some of these words will offer a moment of solace for someone besides me. Without further ado� �I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in tune once more.� (John Burroghs [1837-1921] American Naturalist) your thoughts? seed flower