5:30 p.m. | 2002-10-02 I Think You Meant To Call Me. So, well, I had an appointment with my dentist in March. Just for maintenance. But they forgot to call me the day before to remind me of my appointment. Of course, I also have a little card in my purse reminding me, however it�s buried amongst other cards. So I forgot and they didn�t call me. Then I got busy and didn�t have time to be worried about such matters. Now things have calmed down so I called the Dental Office (DO). Here�s what happened. (CI:) (Dialed Dental Office and waded through the mires of automated options until I discovered which number to press to get a real live person.) (DO:) Hello. This is the Dental Office. (CI:) Hi. This is Cruel-Irony. I�m a patient of yours. Anyway, I had an appointment scheduled in March but I missed it because you didn�t call to remind me and so I think you guys are really wanting to see me about now. (DO:) Uh, what was your name? (CI:) (What was my name? Hello, I�m not dead here.) My name IS Cruel-Irony. (DO:) How do you spell that? (CI:) (Thinking they look shit up by last name.) I-R-O-N-Y. Irony. (DO:) No. The first part. (CI:) Uh, C-R-U-E-L. Cruel. I-R-O-N-Y. Irony. (DO:) Please hold. (CI:) Okay. While I�m on hold I entertain myself by working since I�m at work and all. So I�m writing away. I�m on hold sooo long that I forget I�m on hold but I�m smart enough to not actually hang up the phone. So I continue writing and writing and writing. (DO:) Hello. This is the Dental Office. (CI:) Uh, I was on hold. (DO:) Okay. Hold on. I go back to writing thinking that I�m insane because they usually call me begging me to come into the Dental Office. But, whatever. I hold. (DO:) Hello. This is the Dental Office. (CI:) I was on hold. (DO:) Well, what do you need? (CI:) I�m a patient of yours. I had an appointment scheduled in March but I missed it because you didn�t call to remind me and so I think you guys are really wanting to see me about now. (DO:) Uh, what was your name? (CI:) (Still not dead. Yet.) My name IS Cruel-Irony. (DO:) How do you spell that? (CI:) (Jesus FUCKING Christ.) I-R-O-N-Y. (DO:) No. The first part. (CI:) (Jesus DOUBLE-FUCKING Christ.) C-R-U-E-L. Cruel. I-R-O-N-Y. Irony. (DO:) And you�re our patient? (CI:) (Yargh.) Yes I am. (DO:) Hang on while I pull your file� (CI:) PLEASE don�t put me on� (Phew, she just put the phone down. Yay! I�m NOT on HOLD.) (DO:) Oh. You had an appointment in March. (CI:) Yes I did. I missed it because you guys didn�t call me to remind me like you usually do. (Yes, I know I�m sharing the blame here.) (DO:) Well according to our records, you haven�t been here since November of last year and we usually see you every 4-5 months. (CI:) Yes you do, but you USUALLY call me to remind me and you DIDN�T call me in March and I got busy. (DO:) Oh, okay. Who�s your insurance company? (CI:) Uh, I don�t remember. (JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! You guys usually beg me to come in and NOW you�re playing all COY?) (DO:) Oh, it�s INSURANCE COMPANY. (CI:) Yeah, that sounds familiar. (DO:) Okay, we can see you on this day, on this date, at this time. Do you want our NEW address? (CI:) Okay. Yes. (DO:) Our new address is [Dental Office over here]. (CI:) Thanks. (That�s the same FUCKING address you�ve always had.) (DO:) Okay. So we�ll see you on such-and-such day, on such-and-such date, at such-and-such time. Can you remember that? (CI:) Yes. I�ve chiseled it in stone. Thank you (very FUCKING much). Then I called the Doctor�s Office because they meant to call me too. I think I might call Fort Knox tomorrow and see if I can�t get my hands on the gold. your thoughts? seed flower