9:38 p.m. | 2002-10-10 You�re Right, You�re Not A Rocket Scientist. I usually read my junk mail because now they package junk to look like bills and whatnot, and companies are always buying each other out or gobbling other ones up, and since my circuits frequently misfire, I don�t want to accidentally toss out a real bill or something important. So I open an envelope the other day and this is what I read: �Dear Cruel-Irony, Cruel-Irony, I am writing today to let you know that I am willing to be your personal mentor.� Well glory fucking hallelujah. What kind of bullshit is this? Of course, I would have to pay a fee for the honor of letting Mr. Grandiosity be my mentor. No fucking thank you. I have mentors already. (Boss being one, of course.) My mentors are absolutely incredible people and I want to suck their wisdom outta their minds with a straw. But, you know what? They let me do that for free. I�m a mentor myself. In one case, I did actually volunteer to be a mentor, but in another case, I just became one. With the latter case, I don�t feel like a mentor but that�s what she calls me. I didn�t even know she considered me a mentor until she told me; I thought we were just friends. And, we are friends. Shit, she�s way smarter than I�ll ever be so I learn from her. But apparently, she thinks of me as her friend and mentor. I can�t ever imagine charging anyone for the dribble that comes out of my mouth. However, I do usually try to take credit for teaching people to swear a lot. But that�s probably not a good thing. Mr. Grandiosity also included the following remarks in his letter: �Before long, you could �Fire Your Boss� at your dreary job and say �Hello� to independence and financial security! I did it and I am just a regular person � not a rocket scientist.� Fire my Boss at my dreary job? Are you insane? I would cut off my right arm before I would fire my boss. And, I�m quite familiar with independence and financial security. But that�s beside the point. Even when I had jobs that were dreary and I did want to fire my boss, I wouldn�t have paid someone to be my mentor. Please. Anyway, included in this letter was the following little note: �Cruel-Irony, I sincerely believe that good things in life should be passed along to others. By helping others succeed, I know I will succeed too. So call me now. We can succeed together!� Hey Mr. Grandiosity, can you say �pyramid scheme�? However, I must say that I don�t usually get such a good laugh out of my junk mail. I can hardly wait to see what they come up with next. "I am willing to be your personal mentor." I'll have to remember that line. Maybe I'll try it out on Colleague and see what he thinks. your thoughts? seed flower