11:31 p.m. | 2003-07-08 Cruel-Irony�s Guide To Making New Friends Within 60 Seconds. Here�s the first step. And, please note, this step can�t be skipped. Move next door to a multi-storied, independent living SENIOR apartment building. Here�s the second step. The actual activity performed can vary, just make sure you go OUTSIDE. Take out the trash. Here�s the last step. Say �Hi� in return and then, make eye contact. Yes, matter of fact, I do have two new friends, Carl and Alex (woman). They�re the rebels (and able-bodied) at the Senior Center so they sneak out via the stairs and hang around outside to get away from those people. Those People are the conformists who are cranky, negative and just waiting around to die. In fact, according to Carl and Alex, they might as well just go ahead and be dead already since they�re so negative. My new friends want me to hang out with them because I�m hip and smart and nice. See, I fit right in with the rebellious, able-bodied, 70-something crowd. Who knew? And, guess what? They don�t have cell phones or DVD players either. I know, it�s hard to believe and all, but trust me on that one. Alex was a beatnik during the 1960�s, and oddly, she considers me a beatnik too. She used to be a newspaper editor. She refuses to conform and ditches the rest of the folks at the Center. So far, all I know about Carl is that he was born at the height of the Depression in the early 1930�s (as was Alex), and he had to give up living in the country with his two dogs to move into to that �horrible place that seems just like a damn nursing home�. He�s still adjusting to the change. Oh, and he has cancer. Of course, I ended up inviting Carl to help me with the porch gardening once I get that all set up. So� I�ll be learning a lot about the Depression and whatnot. Well, and I�ll be rebelling a lot too, I�m sure. However, I�ll have to check the agenda to see what I�ll be rebelling against since I�m not current with what�s hot and what�s not amongst seniors. Speaking of what�s hot and what�s not, I�m not completely current with toddler toys either. I went to the toy store tonight to do some Christmas/birthday shopping. I had already consulted with Younger Sister regarding Little Nephew�s wish list, and did some strategic planning with Dearest Sister as we both have the toddler group (of 3) for Christmas. Dearest Sister told me that they�d have all the stuff we discussed at the toy store at The Only Mall I�ll Go To (OnlyMall), which is now right near my home. On a side note, I�ll only go to this mall because it�s an open-air mall, it has very cool stores and it has quite a bit of diversity and uniqueness. All the other malls in the area are the standard kind of mall, and those malls give me hives. Anyway, when I walked into the toy store, I did what I always do. I stood in the entry, blinking several times, took several deep breaths and looked to the aisle guides for directions. See, I don�t have kids. I go to the toy store about once every few years or so. It�s similar to going to England� everybody�s speaking English but I have no idea what they�re talking about. Well, except going to England is infinitely more exciting than the toy store. The Toy Store Employee (TSE) helping me acted completely professional but was starting to look at me like I was a little slow until I explained that I didn�t have any children. And, to my credit, I did find one thing all by myself. However, the other toy I was looking for is part of a set and comes in different sizes and shit and it�s all very confusing. I was secretly cursing Younger Sister for not providing me all the pertinent information, but I forgave her when I found out I could return the item within 30 days if I accidentally got the wrong thing. I�ll be talking to Younger Sister tomorrow. I can�t believe she�d send me into a toy store all unarmed like that. Anyway, TSE also rang up my purchases and we had a rather interesting conversation. Here�s that. (TSE:) Do you need any batteries today? (CI:) Uh, I don�t think so. I mean, you made this toy talk so it must already have batteries and this one doesn�t require batteries, so I don�t think I need any, but do I? (TSE:) Well, no. But see, I wear� (reaching below the counter), uh, I�m supposed to wear this button (pins it on her shirt) that tells you that you get free batteries if I don�t ask you. (CI:) But, I don�t need any. Well, at least for this stuff. (TSE:) I have to ask you even if you�re just buying coloring books. (CI:) Okay. Uh, no thank you. I don�t need any batteries, but thanks for asking. (TSE:) Okay. (CI:) Did I say �my part� right or is there something else I�m supposed to say? (TSE:) (Laughing.) Actually, people say some really rude stuff to me when I ask them that. But, you know, I have to ask. (CI:) Yeah, I understand. I�ve done customer service stuff before. But anyway, thanks for checking to see if I needed any batteries because, you know, I often forget that I do need batteries. In fact, I really appreciate it. How was that? (TSE:) That was great! And, just come back if you need to exchange that toy. See, I might not know much about toys, but I do know quite a bit about customer service. your thoughts? seed flower