7:28 p.m. | 2003-09-24 No Wonder I�m Confused. Today at lunch, I went to the Farmer�s Market to buy some fresh fruit and vegetables. Inspired by this bastard, I decided to see what the above sentence means in teen speak so I went to The Infinite Teen Slang Dictionary. Here�s what I�m really saying. today at lunch Noun. Complicated acronym, meaning food. Want some today at lunch, girl? Beg your pardon?! I went to Noun. A burger, particularly an irritating one. Yo, that i went to is irritating! Boy, is it ever. farmer�s market Adjective. Bad or cute. Check out my farmer�s market boy! Heh. (See above) to buy some Noun. Mid-eighties term for magazine. Sabrina, check out the to buy some. Um, yeah. fresh fruit Noun. Non-alcoholic drinks belonging to a friend. Hey, Jackie, can you hook me up with some fresh fruit? My friends and non-alcoholic drinks? That�s funny. vegetables Interjection. Phrase suggesting that someone tell people about something. Boy � vegetables! Exactly. Notice the complete lack of any verbs. That kind of confirms my sloth-like tendencies. Here�s a rough translation. Food irritating burger cute magazine friend�s drink, uh, don�t tell anyone! Surprisingly, that sounds just like your average teenager to me. It was fun, so I tried a couple of more, as follows. holy shit Adjective. Addicted to friends. Dawg � she�s holy shit! That kind of has a ring to it, doncha think? heehaw Noun. Sex belonging to a friend. I�m gonna shop for your heehaw, kid. No you�re not, dude. I wonder what Minnie Pearl would have thought about that. Suddenly, this is stuck in my head. Where oh where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and I thought I'd found true love. But you met another and PTHHP! you was gone. HEE HAW! On my way to the Farmer�s Market [boy], I stopped to pay a visit to the residential parking folks at TheCity. See, in order to get my permanent parking permit, I have to submit either an electric bill or something from Motor Vehicles (MV) showing my new address. Since TheHotel pays for my electricity, I had to rely on my MV records. TheCity can access them directly, which makes the process less painful. However, it hasn�t been easy and I�m on my second temporary permit that expires at the end of this month. I�ve been calling and visiting TheCity periodically to check to see if my MV records have been updated. Here�s what happened today. (Parking Lady:) Hi. Can I help you? (CI:) Yes. I stopped by to see if MV has updated my address yet. (PL:) You submitted a Change of Address to them? (CI:) Yes, one on July 1 and another one about 5 weeks ago. (PL:) Wow. Here, let me pull it up. What�s your address? (CI:) TheHotel. (PL:) It must have been that second request because they�ve finally updated your records. (CI:) Are you serious?! Oh, I can�t believe it! Yay! How exciting! (PL:) Congratulations! Here�s your permanent permit. (CI:) Oh, thank you so much! That�s one less thing I have to worry about! Really, that�s kind of pathetic don�t you think? I�m all giddy because, after 3 months, MV finally changed my address. It was driving me nuts though because the temporary permits expire in a short amount of time, and if you don�t get a new one before the old one expires, you�ll start accumulating parking tickets. MyCity doesn�t mess around when it comes to parking violations. I�ve actually even seen enforcers putting tickets on vehicles before the meter expires while watching the frantic car owners running down the street waiving quarters in the air and screaming NOOOOO. Speaking of TheCity, I woke up to the sound of chain saws this morning and was out of bed like a shot. Fortunately, they were trimming trees in ThePark and not the ones on the street where I park. As you can tell, TheCity takes its business very seriously. Heehaw Vegetables! And, PTHHP! she was gone. your thoughts? seed flower