10:13 p.m. | 2004-12-01 I�m Off Target Unless You Hand Me A Shotgun. So, I went shooting today. With a bunch of other people. It was an educational field trip, if you will. I only went because I�m afraid of guns. Or rather, I was. Before. The first time I fired, um, not so good. I repeated that about five more times. I felt that I couldn�t see well and I kept trying to convey that message. My ability to convey that message was not so successful. Finally, I took off my safety glasses � which I was wearing over my own glasses � and showed them to my trainer. Yeah, I couldn�t see because my vision was obscured by a bubbly piece of plastic that wasn�t supposed to be there. After that? Oh, I hit the target five out of six times. While flinching. Pretty much every time someone fired, I flinched. There were a lot of people and much firing. But, I played along. And, I fired almost every gun available. However, I discovered that I do the most damage with semi-automatic shotguns. Straight through the center of the target. Disturbingly consistent with that. The conditions were challenging too. Standing on gravel, shooting right-handed guns left handed? Yeah. And, they were extremely heavy. To me. Because of that I had to stand with my legs and arms widely parted. I didn�t shoot the long-range rifle because by that time, I was frozen, afraid of severe muscle spasms and the sun had set. Besides that, every time that gun was fired my flinch got airborne. Even with ear plugs, all those guns were very, very loud. My startle reflex got a very thorough workout. Very thorough. However, I never closed my eyes or any of that sort of thing. When I face my fears, I face them head on. Even if they make me prone, my eyes are open. I tried to be all low key about my fear of guns and shooting and whatnot. But, it�s not so easy to hide the startle reflex. I didn�t even try yet no one said anything to me about that whole thing. My trainer did ask me this question though: �You don�t ever quit do you?� Um, no I don�t. Pretty much never, and certainly not when I�m facing one of my fears. I didn�t say that, of course, I just said �no�. Just so you know, I�ll be hating me tomorrow because those shotguns? Serious kick back on the shoulder there. Actually, that was kinda funny because every time I shot, I just kind of lifted off the ground a couple inches then came down. I mean, funny today. Not so much tomorrow. Also not so funny? I can�t hear and I see spots. That, apparently, will go away soon. However, I don�t think the bruises are going away anytime soon. Most importantly, I not afraid of guns anymore. And, shotguns? Yeah, strangely accurate with those. Fortunately, I�m not armed. your thoughts? seed flower