10:38 p.m. | 2004-12-28 Introspection. Generally speaking, I�m a pretty introspective person. But lately? I�ve been digging deeper. Specifically, I�ve been ferreting out my negative character traits. And, oh boy, there are many. So many that I�ve had conversations like this. (CI:) I really don�t like myself right now. Actually, I recently realized that I have no idea why I even have friends. I mean, I�ve never had a problem making friends and whatnot but I have no idea why anyone would be my friend. (BestestGirlfriend:) Wow. As your friend, that�s really strange to hear. (CI:) Well, it�s a little strange to experience too. I know the origin of my negative traits which makes it easier to deal with because I have compassion for myself. But, yeah. I really have a lot of bad traits. I�m just not so likable I think. What I really love is that BG really knew what I was talking about and understood that I wasn�t searching for compliments, platitudes or reassurance from her. I was merely sharing what I�ve been experiencing. As a side note, that is one reason why I haven�t been updating so much lately. I�ve been doing introspective stuff. The funny thing? I know that I have to identify negative traits in order to correct them and I realize that I just have to not like me for awhile. However, that hasn�t really stopped me from living my life. Nor has it made me depressed or anything like that. I just wake up every day, recognize that I really don�t like me right now and then, I just move on. The ironic thing? Not only have I kept all my current friends, I�m developing new friendships right and left. It�s odd. Really. I just keep moving on, going through the normal routines and even accepting invitations to do stuff I wouldn�t normally do. And, I just keep making more friends. Even though I keep discovering more bad traits and I still don�t really like myself right now. I�m starting to correct things too, but seriously? Yeah, I have years worth of correction to do. But, does that depress me? Um, no. My life just keeps getting better. That�s strange. your thoughts? seed flower