10:34 p.m. | 2005-10-13 When Asshole Is Too Kind Of A Word. Feel free to substitute asshole with bitch if it�s applicable to your experience. And yes, I�m talking about dating. I do some things very well. But, dating is not one of them. Someone once told me that they stopped dating because they didn�t do it well. They threw in the towel. Gave up on that whole thing. While I refuse to give up on it, I�m on a hiatus from it for that very reason. Instead, I�ve decided to focus on myself and figure out what my problem is. Why I feel compelled to date chumps. Really, the guys I�ve dated are chumps. Not assholes. Calling someone an asshole, to me, implies that I�m invested in some way. That there�s some sort of passion, albeit misguided, involved. Examining my history, yeah� not so much. Lots of potential and nothing else. I tend to fall in love with �potential�. Potential that displays an interest in me. In other words, potential interest. Which is pretty much the same as having a relationship with myself. The guy just has to show up with some potential and have a little interest and I�m standing by ready to spin that into something that doesn�t exist. It provides me with just enough raw, if you will, material to construct a phantom relationship that exists solely in my mind. And, I�ve created just that because chumps don�t bring it, give or in any way represent anything I�ve created in my head. Hence, a relationship with myself is born. Interestingly, I�ve broken up with myself many times over the last twenty years. This might sound somewhat incestuous to you as well it should. I don�t recommend dating yourself. Especially when you don�t feel you even deserve yourself. See, it is just that incestuous. But stopping that kind of cycle requires just that sort of in-depth examination and realization. Creepy as it may be. And it is creepy to realize that you�re essentially dating yourself. Invasive too. So I�m 41, single, never been married and not dating. My girlfriends run the age gambit but are also single and never been married. But, they�re dating. They�re, of course, dating chumps. Hence, they have a lot of free time that they�re willing and wanting to spend with me. I�m learning so much. See, when I�m all wrapped up in my own dating disasters, I�m too busy comparing war stories to really think about what�s happening. In my relationship or their relationships. I discovered though that since I�m eschewing any and all romantic relationships at the moment, I have a new clarity about such things. My friends are intelligent, educated, attractive and funny women. I�ve always known that. I�ve also always thought their boyfriends were assholes. Now, I�d call them chumps. Plus, I�m pissed. Their boyfriends treat them like crap which makes me angry at the same time it enlightens me in regards to my own tendencies. One thing that is different is that I no longer placate my girlfriends. I used to think it was unsupportive and rude to suggest to my friends that they were being treated poorly or that they should be anything but ecstatic about a new relationship. I�ve stopped doing that. And, you know what? I have very intelligent, educated, attractive and funny girlfriends who are strong enough to take my toughest remarks. They appreciate it, in fact, which is a surprise to me. Lest you get the wrong idea, I absolutely do not sit in a place of judgment. My girlfriends know, as I do that if I were dating right now? Yeah, I�d be dating a chump too. I�d like to think differently, but I�m not ready to test that theory just yet. Soon though. your thoughts? seed flower