11:05 p.m. | 2005-11-01 Neither Here Nor There Just Everywhere. I haven�t talked about my fibromyalgia for quite a while. Not here or otherwise. Mostly because it�s in remission. I�m quite ecstatic about that, of course, but I haven�t mentioned it for several reasons. One, I�ve always lived my life waiting for the other shoe to drop and I didn�t want to jinx myself. As that type of thinking is rather habitual, there was a small part of me that still bought in to all that bahooey. Not any more. Two, I have a lot of empathy for anyone and everyone who suffers from fibro, any ICI (invisible chronic illness) or any other sort of condition. While I�m certain that all those who suffer or have suffered similarly would be/are happy to know that I no longer live in chronic pain, it�s not a real comfortable thing to know that others continue to suffer. And three, I lived with fibro so long that I have to redefine and rethink my life since pain is no longer a driving force. It seems like it'd be easy. You know� I simply rejoice at my pain-free living and pick up my life where I left off about ten years ago or so. Not so easy when you�ve spent years reconfiguring it to accommodate pain, spasms, shaky vision, cognitive difficulties, a compromised immunity system, fatigue and about a thousand other symptoms. Not to mention all the side effects from the various medications. Plus, ten years ago, I was in law school. As successful as that venture was, I have no desire to ever, ever re-live that particular form of torture. Speaking of medications, I�ve stopped taking all of them except my breathing meds (for obvious reasons) and my thyroid replacement meds (for not so obvious reasons). What a relief. What freedom, actually, to not have to be dependent on drugs. Well, except for the breathing meds and the thyroid stuff. All told, I�ve gone from taking seven drugs several times a day to two drugs that I take once a day. (Oh, and I�m saving some money there. See, I haven�t factored that into my current life either.) I feel fantastic. The world has opened up to me again. I can move about confidently, can plan things I haven�t been able to in years and, most importantly, I don�t live in pain every single moment of every single day. In fact, I don�t have pain anymore. Yet, I can�t slip back into the life I lived before. Or into the person I was before. I don�t care to either. Obviously, I wasn�t a rock star before the fibro but I was on what I thought was a good path. However, my life wasn�t nearly as rich as it is now. That�s the difference I suppose. The fibro humbled me to the extent that I needed to be humbled. That�d be deep for those keeping track. And the pain and daily struggles kept me humble. Long enough for me to realize that I was so full of shit before. My priorities were seriously out of whack and I had no idea what was truly important in life. That the fibro is in remission now does not make me a sudden rocket scientist though. What�s important in life is still something I learn about every day. But here�s what I know so far� Relationships are key. You cannot live without them. Even the Unabomber has relationships. They aren�t good ones, for sure, but hating others keeps him alive. Just for the record, my relationships are much more loving and aren�t actualized as criminal acts. Well, and I�m really bad about sending packages. Life is not a dress rehearsal. So very true. This has become more evident as I�ve gotten older. Carpe diem. Sometimes I have to do things like go on the MegaDrop ride at the local fair to drive that point home but I try to think about it every day. Be Present. Step outside of yourself as much as you can. Humans are inherently and rightfully selfish � that�s how we survive � but all of us have moments, many moments, that don�t require a microscopic lens on ourselves. Share a little. Or a lot. I could go on but I won�t. I�m busy rediscovering life and it is good. One of the best things about it? I always know that I can come here and land softly. That�s a wonderful thing. Thank you. your thoughts? seed flower