10:15 p.m. | 2005-12-07 Directions. You know those mall maps that have that big red arrow that indicates where you are? That say: YOU ARE HERE. So decisively. So succinctly. Know those? As a physical location device, it works. Not so sophisticated but it does the job. But what about those times when you know, physically, where you are but not so much as it pertains to where you�re trying to go with your life? What about that? Maps aren�t so helpful then. That�s what I�ve been working on for about a year or so. My goal, my destination? To be at peace with myself in my life. I�ve made a lot of progress too. It�s hard to write about because it�s mostly about esoteric things like feelings and realizations. Put into action, of course. I�ve been doing that, feeling and realizing, and my world has changed a lot. However, those types of accomplishments don�t really register on the mall map. Know what I mean? Yet there is a subtle ripple effect. As I change, people around me change in their responses to me. No one can quite put their finger on it but they all understand that what they could get away with yesterday they can�t get away with today when dealing with me. Before, I stepped into myself very soundly. In a way that put people off. I was too much. Sometimes too intellectual, sometimes too playful, sometimes too serious, sometimes too creative, sometimes too compassionate, sometimes too morose. It was always too much of something. I�ve come to believe that balance is key. Now I step into myself differently. As much as I step forward, I stand back. I listen more than I speak. I observe more acutely. Most of all, I keep my mouth shut and my mind open. People respond differently to me now. In a good way. In amazing ways actually. My world has become very different and I�m not sure how to navigate it all or what to make of random positive reactions. But what I�ve learned? Being vulnerable, showing my weaknesses and fears has garnered much more respect than my life-long stoicism. Being stoic? Overrated. Looks good, feels rotten. your thoughts? seed flower