9:14 p.m. | 2002-05-07 You Want My Opinion? I'll Gladly Give It To You. Let me give you a little background, otherwise this blathering won't make any sense. I am a short person ("little person" to the politically correct bunch) and I'm usually underweight (cool to the ana/mia folks). What's my secret "trick", you ask? Chronic pain. Don't recommend it. And, if I could give you my pain, I just might. Even though that would be mean. And, trust me, it's overrated. Anyway, last year, my doctor (using term loosely) changed my meds. The new ones he gave me cause me to swell up like a demented carnival balloon and gave me a sweet tooth obviously crafted by Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. (Dating myself. Great flick though.) So I gained weight and ended up looking very pregnant. People asked me when I was due, what I was going to name the baby and patted my stomach. (Ghrrr.) But, I was actually experiencing liver failure and an underlying weight gain. So, against my doctor's advice, as he was sure it was something I was doing instead of the meds, I stopped taking them. Then, I started to shrink and return to my normal underweight self. And I started hearing things like "you're getting your figure back" (wondering what you did with the BABY); "you have lost a TON of weight" (suggesting I was HUGE - thanks!); "are you on a diet?" (if so, please tell me what diet you're on). Now, I'm not quite back to my normal weight but I'm getting close. I am now underweight, for my age (according to an age-appropriate BMI scale, not the ED bunch). To those still wondering, I'm 37. You're supposed to be packing some extra pounds at that age. It's called nature. My bones are sticking out and it's uncomfortable to sit down. So, I shouldn't lose anymore, according to me. But, now I'm hearing stuff like "you look great!"; "you have so much more definition to your face - you look great!"; "hey baby, wanna date?". Why does society love skin and bones? It's not healthy and WHAT, tell me WHAT, is so horrifying about some extra pounds? What about me, my spirit, my personality, my hard work - all the great stuff I do and the great person I am? (Rest assured there's bad too, lots of bad, but that's not relevant to this rant.) Why are women so hung up about weight? Because society rewards you for being underweight or skinny or slender. After I stopped looking pregnant and was just "overweight" (although I was at a weight that was age-appropriate), people said things like "you do a great job."; "you're nice."; "you are such a great mentor". Nobody said that I looked pretty, or that I looked good, or that I looked great. In my opinion, people, that is so superficial and sick and tragic. Don't do that to others, please. Don't feed into that, please. Don't buy into that, please. One thing that's cool about the online world is that you can get to know people without the prejudice of looks. (There are also a lot of scary things about the whole online, anonymous thing also, but again, that's not pertinent to this particular rant.) When I read diaries, I see people's spirits. And so many are really beautiful (especially J and TJ - you know who you are...) And, I really don't give a rat's ass what these people actually look like. And, these people are beautiful, absolutely. And, I don't need a picture to know that. If they showed up on my doorstep looking like Freddy Krueger, I would not see that... I would see beautiful women. And, you can take that to the bank. And, yes, since this is Cruel Irony talking, I love hearing that I look great, and I love my bones sticking out. Go figure. your thoughts? seed flower