6:08 p.m. | 2002-07-27 Betty Crocker & Caesar Barber. I was working away the other day when I was suddenly stricken with an intense need to consume a salty snack. Not a desire. A NEED. Now, I do love me some salt and I fulfill that passion everyday by salting the hell outta everything I eat. However, I�m not really apt to eat potato chips or that kinda thing. You�re more likely to find me salting the hell outta cucumber slices than munching on Doritos. I�m just weird that way. But I do dabble in the packaged salty snacks now and again. So I scrounged around in my purse, produced some random coins and headed to the breakroom vending machine. Now, I call this machine �One-Armed Jack� because it�s more like a Las Vegas slot machine. Mostly you feed it money, and it rewards you with complete disappointment, rather than a snack food. You feed it more money, and it smiles smugly at you. Eventually, there�s a showdown between man and machine that involves profanity, hitting and kicking. And the machine usually wins. However, there are days when you're rewarded with a tasty treat. Just enough of those days to keep you coming back like a gambler in the throes of addiction. Anyway, I took my chances and scored me some Bugles, a �crispy corn snack�. While munching on my Bugles, I read the packaging. I discovered that Bugles come with Betty Crocker�s �Red Spoon Promise�. It says: �The Red Spoon is my promise of great taste, quality and convenience. This is a product you and your family will enjoy. I guarantee it.� I guess that promise comes from Betty Crocker herself. From the grave I presume. Betty Crocker is pitching salty snack foods to children and adults everywhere. So then I read the ingredients: �Degermed yellow corn meal, coconut oil, sugar, salt, baking powder, nonfat milk, wheat flour. Freshness preserved by BHT.� Okay, so it�s fat, sugar and salt preserved by chemicals. Thank god the corn meal is �degermed�. Wouldn�t want germs on top of all that unhealthy goodness. And, of course, the coconut oil kinda makes the nonfat milk a silly little exercise. The package also says �Fresher if used by 15SEP02.� Note that it doesn�t say �consumed by�, it says �used by�. I don�t think I really want to know what people are �using� Bugles for if they�re not eating them. And, it doesn�t say they will no longer be good after 15SEP02, just not as fresh. So, I sat there and ate Bugles that I was guaranteed to enjoy and they were fresh. Or rather, fresher. And full of all kind of stuff that�s bad for me. But, they did cure my salty snack craving. Just so you know, I ate all of them and didn�t use any of them. I had no illusions about the fact I was consuming something that wasn�t good for me from the get go. I didn�t really need to read the ingredients to understand that; I was reading the package for entertainment. So what�s up with Caesar Barber? He�s the guy suing McDonald�s, Wendy�s, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken because he claims he became obese and suffered from other serious heart problems from their fatty cuisine. He said that he thought it was good for him because they say it�s �100% beef� and that he has eaten fast food for decades believing it was good for him. He�s had 2 heart attacks, and has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. You can be totally nutritionally ignorant and know that fast food is bad. Why? Well, because kids will climb up your leg begging you to take them to any fast food place. If kids want to eat that food more than anything in the world that means it�s full of fat, sugar and salt. Just watch kids in the grocery store for goodness sakes. They�re not lounging in the fruit and vegetable aisles; they�re making a beeline to the sugary cereal aisle to drool over Froot Loops and Captain Crunch. Or they�re in the candy aisle begging for everything in sight. You don�t see them all wide-eyed in the meat aisle staring at chicken and drooling. I�ll betcha that Mr. Barber�s doctor would tell you that he/she certainly didn�t recommend a fast food diet following his first heart attack. They probably told him to eat some salad and baked chicken. He probably stopped at McDonald�s on this way home from the hospital. And, I bet Betty Crocker would endorse each of those restaurants with her �Red Spoon Promise�. your thoughts? seed flower