9:08 p.m. | 2002-11-14 Look, I�m Back! My vacation has been a blast. Just what I needed. And, I still have a few more days of bliss left. What could be better? I am so rested and relaxed. Exactly what I wanted. On the home front, it�s been Grand Central Station today. The first time my doorbell rang, I was startled and not quite sure what the noise was. See, my house was built in the 1930�s and it has an old-fashioned doorbell. You actually have to turn it. No little button to push. When you turn the ringer, it actually rings a bell. As my home is my sanctuary, I rarely have visitors. And, I usually expect visitors when they come over and they knock. (Most people don�t recognize that my old-fashioned ringer is a working doorbell, except my GuyFriend who loves it and would be happy just to ring it all day.) Anyway, I eventually identified the sound and answered the door � still a little startled and looking smashing in my sweats sans underwear but with slippers � only to encounter an older man with a British accent (BG). (BG:) Hi. I live down the street. Is that your car parked out front? (CI:) Uh, yeah. (BG:) Did you notice that dead limb in the tree right above your car? (CI:) (Still trying to absorb the whole doorbell-ringer, stranger intrusion thing while realizing that I�m not quite dressed for all this.) Uh, no. (BG:) I thought you might want to know about it because the next wind could make it fall on your car. Do you want me to show it to you? (CI:) Uh, sure. Let me get some shoes on. (BG:) See, it�s right there. (CI:) I see that. I�ll call Tree Services and have them remove it. Thanks. (BG:) I live right over there (pointing). Are you the one with budgies? (CI:) (Startled once again.) Um, yeah. I didn�t know anyone heard them. I mean, my neighbors have never heard them. They just seem to blend in with the wild birds. Um yeah. (BG:) I have parakeets too so I think I just have an ear for them. In fact, we have an aviary. You�ll have to come over sometime and see it. (CI:) Um sure. Uh, thanks for letting me know about the branch. I�ll call Tree Services and move my car. Thanks So I called Tree Services and they came out to remove the branch. Just for the record, it took three trucks, apparently, to remove this branch. One had the ladder-bucket thing, one towed the woodchopper and I don�t really know why the flatbed truck was required. However, I will say that the only person who spoke to me came from the flatbed. I guess that was the communication vehicle. The rest either talked on their cell phones and/or actually did the work. They did their manly-man thing, the thumbs up stuff and drove off. Boys and their toys, you know? I started to settle back in after that excitement and my doorbell rang again. I answered the door and some handsome young guy asked me if I was Cruel-Irony. I said yes and he thrust a big box into my arms. A package! How exciting! I wasn�t expecting one so I quickly looked at the return address to identify the sender. Well, the sender was SLA. Holy fucking shit! Why is the Symbionese Liberation Army sending me something?! And, what the fuck was it? A bomb? I immediately wanted to propel it out the front door but then I realized how bizarre that thought was. It�s not the 1970�s and all, and I believe most of the SLA, if they still exist, are locked up or close to it. Plus they don�t know me from Adam. So, I opened the box and was pleasantly surprised to find the CD alarm clock radio I recently ordered. That I didn�t have to pay shipping for. I even checked the invoice slip and it said the shipping and the electronic gadget was PREPAID. No shipping cost. At all. Well, fuck me. That�s, perhaps, a little vulgar but that�s what I thought. Anyhoo, I wasted no time getting that all set up. And, get this, I can go to sleep listening to my favorite sleeping CD and then wake up to a buzzer followed by my favorite radio station. That�s almost as good as wild monkey sex. Well, not really, but it�s up there in the favorite things category. (Nothing's as good as wild monkey sex, trust me.) To top it off, it even has a little Day Light Savings button you can push to automatically change the time accordingly. And it was FREE! Okay, not really free since I�ve had to use my credit card to get my little points. However, I only use the card to get my prescriptions and other credit-card requiring things. And, I pay it off every month so I don�t even pay interest. So to me, it�s FREE! Why didn�t you guys tell me this stuff was out there? your thoughts? seed flower