7:49 p.m. | 2002-12-17 A Whole Different Kind Of Jack. Here�s some lunchtime conversation. (Boss:) Did you guys hear about the guy who was masturbating in the jury room? (CI & Colleague:) No! (Boss:) Well, he was sitting in the jury room and he started masturbating and there were two women in the room also but they just ignored him. (CI:) In the jury room? Who does that in the jury room? (I looked pointedly at Colleague like he should know as a representative of all men everywhere or something. He just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.) (Boss:) Then they called everyone out and put them in the jury box. And, this guy� he continued to masturbate in the jury box. (CI:) Who does that in the jury box? (Colleague:) Jack In The Jury Box? (Or perhaps, it�s Jackin� The Jury Box. Sorry, couldn�t resist.) (Boss:) Don�t worry though, they dismissed them all. (CI:) I should hope so. Who knows what he would�ve done during a trial. That, by the way, is how many of our conversations start: �Did you hear�� Apparently, Boss believes that I live the same life she does. Here are some questions that she asks me pretty much on a daily basis. �Did you watch TVNewsShow this morning?� �Did you read NonLocalNewspaper this morning?� �Did you listen to TalkRadioShow this morning?� For the last couple of years or so, I have, without fail, answered �no� every single time she has asked me these questions. I have stopped believing that these are actual questions and have come to believe these are just conversation segues. Nifty little linguistic transitions. Here�s another conversation. (CI:) Boss, I�m so stupid you really should be embarrassed that I work for you. (Boss:) Oh Lord, what did you do now?! (CI:) Well, I went across the street to the OtherWorkPlace and you know that I always automatically go to this particular bank of elevators. So I got in the elevator, pressed the button for the floor I wanted and then the doors opened, I stepped off, and I realized that I was in TheRestrictedArea. (Boss:) Oh my GAWD! You went to THE RESTRICTED AREA? But the elevators don�t go there unless you have a key. (CI:) I know, but it DID go there! (Boss:) What did you do? (CI:) I got back on the elevator, went back to where I started and went to the appropriate bank of elevators. (Boss:) I�m surprised they didn�t kick you out. (CI:) They didn�t even say anything to me. In fact, I kinda wandered around a little before I looked up and realized where I was. And they didn�t shoot me or anything. (Boss:) You�re lucky. Don�t do that again. (CI:) I�ll try not to. And, don�t worry, I don�t really think I�m stupid. I just do stupid stuff sometimes. That was one of those times. your thoughts? seed flower