10:06 p.m. | 2003-01-29 Just How Fast Can You Change Hats? Today, by far, was one of the oddest days I�ve had. I had no idea how right on I was by suggesting that I�d be all avant-garde in this New Year. First, do you remember how I told you that Boss had a death in her family this month? Yeah, well there was another one. A very tragic one. As Boss doesn�t even know I have this diary, much less that I talk about her, I�m not gonna give you any details because it�s not my place to share her business with all of you. I only share stuff that Boss says right out in the public, and it�s mostly just silly stuff. This isn�t one of those things. (By the way, feel free to send good wishes to her; she needs them right now.) However, one weird part of my day was that she asked me to call some of her good friends to share the tragic news since she�s a little overwhelmed right now. So, I spent part of my day calling people (some I know; some I don�t know) to do just that. Here�s how that went. (CI:) Hi, this is Cruel-Irony and I�m calling on behalf of Boss. (BossFriend:) Okay. (CI:) Have you heard the news? (BossFriend:) Uh, no. (CI:) Well this horribly tragic thing happened. (BossFriend:) Oh no! That�s terrible. Just awful. (CI:) Yes it is. I just wanted to make sure you knew and here�s some other information you may want. (BossFriend:) Thank you so much for calling me. (CI:) You�re welcome. I was very happy that I could help Boss out. However, that wasn�t a fun task. And, I felt bad about just calling folks up to tell them tragic news. Then I changed hats to become a lusty hot vixen. At work. Perhaps I should give you some background on this silly little thing. See, last year, I quite suddenly was working on a project with a professional guy. While working on this project � via the phone � I developed a little crush on this man. Then I saw him on TV and my little crush turned into a huge crush. This guy is so hot, you could fry eggs on him. And, I�m not the only one in the office lusting after him� there are many others. He�s just that cool. However, he�s work-related, several hundred miles away and I presumed he was married. I figured that I�d never meet up with him so my crush was safely tucked away in my mind. Then, I discovered that he actually comes to our office occasionally and he�s not married. And, to top that off, he came to the office today. All of us ladies have been planning for this little visit. However, we�re all quite professional and work with our SuperHero, so pretty much our plans consisted of dressing modestly, doing our jobs and secretly trying to send him our vixen vibes. To recap, in the midst of being the Grim Reaper�s personal messenger, I took time to meet SuperHero because we�ve all been planning this for a long time. I introduced myself and he even remembered me! (�Oh, you�re the lady on the phone.�) Then I tried desperately to extend the conversation long enough for him to catch my vixen vibe. Apparently, I suck at sending that vibe while acting in a professional capacity. This is what I learned. I am a fashion DON�T if I want to capture male attention at work. The other ladies told me that. Something about my turtleneck sweater, tights and sensible shoes. Oh, and my hair and nails and shit. Of course, they had no room to talk since they were also dressed very conservatively and acted all professional and stuff. Look how they shot me down on this. (CI:) Well, I think he was flirting with me. I mean, he shook my hand 5 times during our 2-minute conversation. Obviously, he wanted to be all touching me and stuff. (Ladies:) Oh please! He wants to run for office. He�s practicing shaking hands. (CI:) (Totally deflated.) Oh. Well, never mind then. So I picked up my marbles and went back to being the Grim Reaper�s personal messenger. With instructions on how to be a hoochie mamma. At work. That�s not gonna happen anytime soon. I�ll stick with being a fashion DON�T at work and a hoochie momma on my own time. Then I switched hats again when I met My Man for a date. See, I know how to be a real vixen when it counts. That, of course, ended the day on a high note. Anyway, I did Boss a favor, kept my crush on SuperHero in FantasyLand where it belongs, and beguiled My Man. And, I haven�t even mentioned that I had lunch with one of my sisters, talked multiple times with another in addition to working on several different projects. Wow! How did I find time for all these hat changes? Perhaps a job in the theatre would suit me. your thoughts? seed flower