7:35 p.m. | 2003-03-06 Timing Is Everything. Know those friends that just have a wonderful knack of brightening your day just when you need it most? Well, I�m blessed with many such friends, one of which is my buddy Tuff. Yeah, she RAWKS. And, she sends me little packages of fun that always arrive right when I need them the most. Thanks Tuff! You bastard. On the work front, we�re in the midst of one of our semi-annual busy seasons unofficially known as a �scoffing� season. That�s because, when we receive ridiculous assignments from MyOtherWorkplace, we scoff. Not as a sign of disrespect or anything, just because there�s no fucking way we�re gonna be able to do what�s required within the time frame given. One of the things that I do is read stuff and write analyses. My average analysis is 7 pages long. Currently, I�m supposed to do 65 analyses in less than 2 weeks. That�s outside of all the other stuff I do and the whole other fulltime position that I somehow acquired sans the big bucks and additional personnel. Our scoffing season makes Boss send me emails such as this. �I�ll be in a little late tomorrow because I have to go get a passport. I�m leaving the country.� So today, I was busy reading stuff that I have to analyze and write about in �plain English�. It�s already written in English, just in a very technical, convoluted and complex fashion. That means I have to read it and understand it before I can write about it. While reading, I often blurt out things such as: �What?�, �What the hell does that mean?�, and of course, �What the fuck?� While I was trying to figure out something very complex today, I received an email from Eldest Sister. I�ve done everything, including begging, to get her to send emails to my home instead of work, but she has a hearing problem sometimes. It�s called �selective hearing�. Anyway, here�s what followed. Oh, and let me give you a little background first. Eldest Sister is a dog, cat and newt kind of person, not a bird person. However, she inherited a Cockatoo (the bird on Baretta � you remember Robert Blake right?) via her husband. Prior to their marriage, her husband bred Cockatoos and Sassy was born and purchased by a person who, several years later, asked ES� husband if he�d take him back because she�s a handful. She talks, does tricks (that she herself makes up) and has a smart mouth�er, beak. ES has come to really enjoy Sassy notwithstanding the fact she�s a little bratty. Anyway, back to the story. And, remember that, at the time, I was in the midst of reading very complex and boring stuff. (ES:) Guess what� Sassy laid an egg the other night. She had it in her food dish and then promptly threw it out breaking it on the bottom of the cage. It was a big egg� 2� long. No more eggs� I�m glad. Maybe this will settle her hormones! (CI:) I�m glad you told me straight up because I never would�ve guessed THAT. Wow! I�ve never had a bird lay an egg before. And, look at the wonderful maternal instincts she has. That�s the funniest thing I�ve heard all day. (ES:) I even took a picture of it but haven�t had time to get it downloaded. When I do, I'll send it to you. Trust me, we were shocked. Husband says that Cockatoos aren�t supposed to lay eggs unless they�re fertile. Maybe I have a virgin Mary on my hands! Sure hope not! (CI:) I was wondering about that� I didn�t think they could. If you do have a virgin Mary on your hands, you�ve got one with attitude. I don�t think Jesus� mommy was quite as temperamental but ya never know. (ES:) Boy� you aren�t kidding!! I sure hope the heavenly spirits don�t want to arrive on the planet this time through my bird at my house under the chaotic conditions we live in. They�d be better off at the manger. I�ve called several bird experts and they�re all surprised this happened and have no idea what to tell us. Go figure� it would happen to me! (CI:) If the �Second Coming� involves Sassy, I�d say we�re all in trouble! And, you�ll definitely be a true martyr. Well, and probably a saint too. If I were you, I�d encourage Sassy to give up egg laying for Lent. Of course, I�m not sure what�d be in store for you at Easter. (ES:) Dang� I didn�t even think of Easter! We�ve had our little pep talk and I told her NO More Eggs. We�ll see if she was listening or being a typical child and ignoring me. (Aside: big birds like that tend to behave much like toddlers which is why people eventually dump them.) (CI:) You know, she�s kind of rebellious so perhaps you should try reverse psychology and tell her that she must lay eggs or else. (ES:) Now there�s an idea! May have to try that. Thanks! I noticed during that conversation that my Episcopalian upbringing endowed me with some traditional religious concepts and terms. However, I haven�t been a practicing Episcopalian since� oh, a really long time ago. Childhood maybe? But I�m not really sure I understood what they were talking about back then. I think it might even be blasphemy to call myself a non-practicing Episcopalian. I am spiritual though. I do my own thing in my own way. But I don�t cotton to any formal, institutionalized religion. Just not my thing. To each his own, I say. On the other hand, I work across the street from a Catholic church and there�s another one in my neighborhood, so oddly enough, I keep around-the-clock time via church bells. A rather odd dichotomy in my life. So, how was your day? your thoughts? seed flower