9:16 p.m. | 2003-04-09 The Quacking Bunny. At work, Security Guard has a guard station in the lobby. In my division, we refer to it as �The Witness Stand� because, well, it looks just like a witness stand. As you can tell, we�re an imaginative bunch. Security Guard is really the building bartender except he doesn�t serve us drinks. However, he does listen to all our woes, joys and bullshit. He also meets all our families and friends who drop by. He knows more about what�s going on in the building than anyone else. And, he�s a sweetie. There�s a ceramic pot on the corner of his witness stand and it usually contains some variety of an orchid plant compliments of the building plant people. (They provide, maintain and switch out all the plants in the common areas of the building.) But, right now, it contains a stuffed bunny. The bunny was a gift from one of my coworkers. I was checking that out the other day. (CI:) What�s up with the bunny? (SG:) So-and-so gave it to me. (CI:) Oh, Easter must be coming up. (SG:) Uh, yeah. (Translate: Duh.) Go ahead and squeeze the bunny�s paw. (CI:) What? (SG:) Squeeze his paw. Go ahead. (Starts chucking.) (CI:) (I squeeze his paw and the bunny emits some strange noise.) (SG:) (Laughing heartily.) It�s a QUACKING bunny! (CI:) That was quacking? Let me try it again. (I squeeze his paw again.) Quacking? It sounds like a guinea pig. (SG:) A guinea pig? What is wrong with you? That�s a duck. (CI:) Guinea pig. (SG:) Duck. (CI:) Guinea pig. (SG:) Oh, what�d you know? (CI:) Frankly, not a lot. But I do know a guinea pig when I hear one. And, that�s a guinea pig. (SG:) Is not. (CI:) Is too. (SG:) Is not. (CI:) Is too. (Said as the elevator doors were closing.) I could still hear him laughing as the elevator went up. And, speaking of the building plants� we�re occasionally reminded that we�re not to dump/pour anything into the pots such as stale coffee, soda, etc. The real problem? Apparently, someone in the building urinates in the planters. Is that laziness, disrespect, a weak bladder or some sort of fetish? your thoughts? seed flower