11:57 p.m. | 2003-06-07 It�s Hard To Say Goodbye. I had to do something today that I�ve never done before. I had to surrender my pets (3 birds) to the local animal shelter. See, my dreamspace doesn�t allow pets, of any kind, and after an exhaustive search, I couldn�t find them a new place. None of them are tamed up. Here, two of them (M&M) had an aviary-type space and the other (C) � my poor, formerly abused, sensitive bird remained caged per his desire. A couple of weeks ago, I had to cage up M&M in anticipation of my move. They HATED that. With a passion. As a last resort, I recently called the local shelter and obtained the pertinent surrender information via a recording. I had to take them there during certain hours, had to pay $20 per pet, and, if they weren�t adoptable, they�d be put to sleep. The whole recorded message made me sad. Since I was going to go there, I collected all previous and extraneous pet stuff I had around the house so I could donate it. And, last night, I played the whistle game with C and listened to every sound any of them made. Today, after I loaded up all my donation stuff, I carefully placed my birds in my car and headed off to the shelter. I was so distressed, I got on the freeway going the wrong way. Which turned out to be a good thing since my car was overheating. That cute young woman from yesterday neglected to tell me that my radiator was empty. I went back home and fixed that. Then, I set off again. I had planned to spend the trip telling my birds that I was surrendering them. Not that they would understand, but they respond to my voice. However, all I could think about was how horrible I was for surrendering my pets. I felt bloody awful. How the fuck could I just surrender my babies solely to move to my dreamspace? What a pathetic excuse. Albeit, 2 of the 3 couldn�t remain caged and it�s not typical to find a space with a small aviary-type area. But how could I just abandon C? I started to imagine how difficult it would be to surrender children. That must be terribly hard. What if my birds were children? So many awful and painful thoughts filled my mind. Meanwhile, I whistled with C who, strangely, seemed in high spirits. Normally, he screeches when I�ve taken him in the car to vet visits, etc. But, he was oddly quite calm. When I got to the shelter, I carried C in first. His cage is extremely heavy for me, so it took quite an effort. I walked up to the counter and placed C on the floor as there was a cat on the counter. Girl #1 (G1) asked me to place him on the counter. Then this transpired. (G1:) Why are you surrendering this bird? (CI:) (I burst into tears.) Sorry, (sob) I�m moving (sob) and I can�t (sob) take him (sob) with me. I (sob) have another� (sob) I have (sob) more birds� (pointing to the parking lot.) (G1:) How many birds do you have? (CI:) (sob) 3 total; (sob) 2 in the car. (G2:) (In a very sympathetic way.) Why don�t you get the other birds, okay? (CI:) (sob) Okay. I went to get M&M out of the car and I had some difficulty as I felt so horrible about it. It took some time, but I finally carried them inside and put them on the counter, along with all their food and stuff. They had already put C on the floor behind the counter. They started to put M&M�s cage on top of C�s cage and this happened. (CI:) NOOO! DON�T! That�ll scare� (G2:) Okay, we�ll put them here. (On the floor next to C.) Can I see your ID? It�s okay. What you�re doing is not a bad thing. It�ll be okay. I gave her my ID. Actually, I gave her my ATM card before I realized that she�d asked for my ID. (CI:) I have (sob) more pet supplies. (G2:) Why don�t you go get them, okay? (CI:) (sob) Okay. I went back out to the car, got half of the pet stuff I brought to donate, and brought it inside. (G2:) BirdLady is gonna take your birds. Doesn�t it make you feel better to know that one of our staff members is going to take all your birds? (CI:) (I nodded while tears streamed down my face; I felt like I was six years old.) I (sob) have more� (G2:) Why don�t you go get those things, okay? (CI:) (sob) Okay. Again I went back to the car and got all my other pet supplies. Who knew I had all this stuff? By the time I went back in, the BirdLady was already there, had pulled her vehicle around and was loading up all the extra bird supplies I�d brought. G2 told me that BirdLady was taking all three of them, had an aviary for M&M and fellow birds for C. (She lives out in the country.) Then, they were peppering me with questions at the same time I was frantically trying to fill them in on their histories, etc. Can he talk? No, but he loves to whistle like this and he�s sweet but sensitive� Is this one male or female? What�s their names� blah, blah, blah. I was so distressed that I only got the basic information across. I wasn�t able to tell them that C gets distressed when he hears alarms, babies crying or anyone in trouble. Or that whistling with him is crucial. Or that he wolf-whistles (construction worker style) when you step out of bed, out of the shower, or he sees people kissing. Or that C hisses as a warning only after he rings his bell, and you need to say �beep-beep� before sticking your hand in the cage. Or that M&M are excellent navigators/flyers. That they�ve learned how to communicate with each other even though they�re different species, or that M mimics a cell phone ringing. Or about their morning songs, afternoon sounds or evening routines. Or that M has started hissing like C because he�s caged. And, they freak when you put your hand in their cage. Because I was sobbing. I had planned to be all level-headed about it, but it didn�t work out that way at all. Not like the mother and daughter, who at this same time, surrendered their bunny. They were more interested in knowing if my birds could talk. Frankly, I was such a sobbing mess, I don�t know why they were surrendering their bunny. All I know is that neither one was upset and they repeatedly said that he ate too much, pooped too much and peed all the time. I don�t know what the shelter people were thinking. They had a sobbing mess of a person, 3 birds, two very level-headed people, one bunny and the shelter cat who was trying to comfort everyone, including me. The shelter cat jumped on the counter and headed my direction when I had to sign the papers. I petted her/him while I read everything and signed the papers with a shaking hand. Then, this happened. (G2:) You�re all done now. And, you can call BirdLady to check on them; I wrote it all down on your papers. (CI:) Don�t I need to give you some money? (The recording said you have to pay $20 per pet.) (G2:) No, you�re fine. You�re all done. (CI:) (I stood there, frozen.) CAN I SAY GOODBYE? (And, I burst into a whole new set of tears and snot came out my nose. Thank god they had tissues on the counter.) (G2:) Sure. You can come around and say goodbye. And, I did. However, since I had an audience, the goodbyes were a little stilted. I whistled one last time with C and told M&M they�d be flying again soon. Then, I walked out. your thoughts? seed flower