3:47 p.m. | 2003-08-31 I Think It�s Time To Do Some Negotiating With My Buddy Grim. Dear Mr. Reaper, I respect that you�ve got a job to do and all, and I know that death is part of life, but perhaps you�ve overlooked a few things. Maybe a quick recap might put things into perspective. Remember last November? I certainly do. On the 24th, you snatched up my father. Boy, you certainly got my attention with that one. In fact, that would have been enough right there, yet two weeks later, you came for Younger Sister�s father-in-law on December 8, 2002. I know you�ve got quotas to meet and such, but did you realize that you took both Younger Sister�s and Younger Sister�s Husband�s fathers within two weeks? Not to mention the fact that you took both of Little Nephew�s grandfathers. And, I�m not trying to be disrespectful, but to come again on December 20th for my aunt? Yes, I do realize that she had been battling inoperable and incurable cancer for more than ten years, but she really wanted to make it to Christmas. Maybe I�m being unfair, but did you realize she was my father�s younger sister? Do you know that you�ve left Uncle B. without any parents or siblings? Not to mention that you left my cousins motherless. Yeah, that was a tough holiday season for all of us. In fact, I think it�s probably a good thing we celebrate Christmas in July, because the holiday season will always be difficult for us. I appreciate that you left us alone for a few months, but I wasn�t too thrilled that you instead moved on to Boss� family and snatched up three of her family members within those few months. Boss and I are friends, you know. It�s been a tough time for us both. Just when I thought you were done, you struck again on April 3, 2003. Remember that day? You took my grandmother. I�m pretty sure she left with you willingly, as she was pretty sick, but it still hurt, you know? Finally, in the predawn hours of this morning, you snatched up my uncle, the husband of my aunt. Yes, I know that he also had inoperable and incurable cancer and had been suffering for the last five years. I know that my cousins have really had a hard time taking care of two sick parents over all these years, but you know what? My aunt and uncle handled their illnesses and treatments with grace, humor and love. I�m sure they�re happy to be together again, but don�t forget that you left my cousins without any parents. See, they�re all younger than me. I worry about them. Now they have to bury their dad only eight months after they buried their mom. Even you have to admit that�s a pretty tough thing to have to deal with. Of course, as this is your line of work, I�m sure that a lot of your handiwork is much more cruel and heart wrenching. Maybe you take them to a better place where there is no more pain and suffering, but it�s difficult for the people left behind. But, see, I�ve been thinking. For purely selfish reasons, I was hoping we could work out a deal. What I�d really like is for you to trade in your scythe for, um, a cute, little fuzzy bunny or something because I�m quite sure your line of work is very stressful and I hear that petting bunnies makes you feel better. However, I know that business is business and it�s all about balancing the numbers and whatnot. So, here�s what I propose instead. I�ll stop calling you nasty names and cussing you � in fact, I�ll even show you some proper respect � if you could just keep your scythe away from my loved ones for maybe a year or so. Oh, and I do appreciate the fact that you waited to take my uncle until today, instead of yesterday as I was able to celebrate my birthday blithely unaware of your plans. I do understand that my request is rather selfish as you do have quotas, so if you promise to stay away from my loved ones, you�ll have no choice but to take away the loved ones of others. I don�t like that part at all. You know, I�ve been deliberating on that very dilemma and think I might have a solution. You have been awful busy � especially with the war and all � so maybe this would be a good time to take a vacation. Doesn�t sitting on the beach, sipping refreshing drinks and petting a bunny sound just lovely? That normal gothy look that you have � what, with your ghastly pale shade sharply contrasting with your black hooded cape combined with the scythe � does make a striking, and original, fashion statement, but what about a new look? Maybe a nice tan would look good with a crisp button-down shirt, pressed linen pants and fashionable shoes? You could trade in your cape for a cool, sporty suede jacket. A makeover, perhaps. Anyway, I know that your job isn�t an easy one, and that you take requests such as mine seriously as you recognize that without us human beings, you�d lose a very large segment of your customer base, so I would like to thank you for your consideration and attention to this matter. And, if you like that whole bunny idea, I�m sure you could adopt one from your local animal shelter. Respectfully, Cruel-Irony your thoughts? seed flower