9:13 p.m. | 2003-09-16 My, Uh, Interview. A while ago, I asked my buddy Tuff to question me. That kind of thing is going around, you know? However, I don�t know all the rules and whatnot, so it�s kind of a modified version of that. Anyway, here�s the Q&A. Just remember that I currently have a head injury. 1. Name 3 of your favorite words and tell me why they're your favorites. Judicial � I love this word because you can�t say it without sounding drunk or fucked up. I don�t like saying it as much as I like to hear other people use it. Eukanuba � I just like saying this word because it�s fun. Yes, it is the name of a dog food and no, I don�t have a dog. But, I like the word. It�s just fun. Labyrinth � I like this word because its spelling is as complex as its meaning. And, when you actually find a use for it, it�s the perfect word. Rhythm � You asked for 3 and I give you 4; I�m generous like that. This word is one of the best words for a game of hangman. Do people play that anymore? Is it politically correct to call it hangman? Is it bad to play a game where you actually depict the hanging of a stick figure? Nonetheless, it�s a word that contains the �sometimes� vowel �y� as the only vowel. This word says screw you to all the words that rely on the common vowels to make a statement. Sorry, head injury. Moving on. 2. If I gave you the following ingredients, what would you make for me: 3 tomatoes, 1 1/2 lb. chicken breasts, 2 c. Grape Nuts cereal, 1 artichoke, 6 squares of chocolate, 6 Twizzler licorice sticks, 16 oz. bottle of orange juice. Hearty marinara chicken topped with a heart nestled in a bed of artichoke leaves, complimented by a glass of sunshine and followed by a sweet desert drizzled with melted chocolate. Heh. Just what the fuck were you thinking when you asked me that question? Though, I must admit, it looks kind of pretty in my imagination. Odd, but pretty. And, I thought �hearty� sounded better than crunchy � don�t you? Move over Emeril! 3. You're in the jungle. You accidentally step into some quicksand. You have the following in your pocket: 100 yards of dental floss, 4 toothpicks, a notebook, a book of matches and a crochet needle. How can you use these items to get yourself out? (Oh, humor me on this one.) I accidentally step into some quicksand? How about I fall face-first in it. I�m excelling at that particular thing at the moment. But seriously, are you high? Okay, okay, I�m jesting. After I stopped swearing and accessed the situation, well, I�d start swearing again. Then, I�d pull it together. Presuming I could reach my pockets and extract items, I�d anchor the dental floss to the crochet needle � after clearing the quicksand off my face with pages from my notebook � and lasso the floss around, um, a tree, large animal or 4x4 trailer hitch and pull myself out. I�d use the toothpicks to stab your eyes out and the matches to burn down your house. I know, it sounds kind of severe, but hell, you put me in that quicksand in the first place. Oh, and don�t forget about my head injury. It�s in the frontal lobe. That part controls impulses. I�m just saying. 4. Would you rather live in the ghetto and have a know it all sister and an annoying older brother who thinks he's a ladies man or be rich but you're a double amputee? Double amputee? What�s been amputated? Two toes, two hands, two legs, two arms? Well, no matter. I�d pick the ghetto anyway. Why buy my friends when I can get them for free? But my sister and brother wouldn�t live with me right? Seriously, I know that you can be rich and happy, and poor and unhappy, but in my experience, the rich are much more miserable than the poor. Plus, people are just more creative when they can�t buy every thing they want. Look, you�re making me stereotype people here. Not everyone in the ghetto is poor and not every rich person is, um, a double amputee. And, happiness falls here and there; it�s not discriminating. And, take this fucking soapbox out from under my feet already. Watch the face though. 5. Wouldn't it be neat if your fingers were like a retractable pen? And you just click your thumb and a pen shoots out your index finger? No? Okay. Describe your ideal bathroom to me. How big it is, where things are located, the lighting, the smell (I'm not trying to be gross here), how it's decorated. I spend a lot of time in the bathroom, so it's an important room to me. Oh, I so want a retractable pen finger. I do. Really. We could stop here, but you go on. Why? Anyway, I�ve been thinking about my ideal bathroom, as I�ve never thought of it before you asked. However, you know I�m not good at describing stuff, so you�ll have to put all the pieces together yourself. My ideal bathroom would be bigger than I thought. I�d go European and have the WC separate from the main part. The WC would contain the usual toilet and sink. It wouldn�t actually be closet-sized � it�d be bigger. It�d have windows with that weren�t clear and diffused light. A nice soothing color would be good. The rest of my bathroom would contain three areas. The bath/shower, the sink, and my dressing areas. My tub would definitely be a spa type. Next to that, I�d have a stand-alone shower. Both would have unobstructed views to a beautiful and tropical garden out back. And, a heated towel rack. That�s a must. Seriously, you�d think I was gonna keel over when I have to get out of the shower in the winter. I go from hot as hell to cold as ice in about two second flat. I HATE that. See, I need that heated towel rack. Well, and a heated tile floor covered sporadically with beautiful and soft rugs. The sink area would need to contain a whole medicinal-type storage area, in addition to regular storage stuff. I haven�t worked out the complete plans in my head yet, but it�d make taking my meds easier. My dressing area would include, of course, my closet. And, well, a dressing area. With a chair, mirror and, uh, a fashion consultant. As far as color? Relaxing-type earth tones. Like greens and blues � not oranges and browns. Something light and refreshing. Speaking of refreshing, maybe I�d like a frig in there too, with lemon flavored water. Lemons, hmmm. During the day, it�d have a citrus type smell but at night, it�d have a heavier smell, like lilacs or jasmine. And, perhaps a masseuse. That�d take care of a lot of these pesky muscle spasms. Oh, fuck. Given the chance, I�d so totally turn into a diva. Enough of the questions and all, Tuff. Geesh. your thoughts? seed flower