1:34 a.m. | 2003-11-30 The Unexpected, Yet Proverbial Fork In The Road. So, the death of my Ex-Brother-In-Law (XBIL). Yeah. He wasn�t even on my radar screen. Not at all. I don�t really know where to start. I�ll just prattle, how�s that? StepMom picked me up yesterday morning. She was already carting DearestSister (DS) and Happy (DS�s other son). I�ll just tell you right now, that woman is a saint. Really and truly. She taxied us all to a town she�s never been to, to meet people she�s never met, and to entertain Happy while DearestSister and I supported EldestNephew (EN). See, Happy doesn�t do mortuaries or funerals. At all. And, XBIL wasn�t his father. Nor does he know XBIL�s family. If you read the last entry, you know that I�ve known XBIL and his family since I was in Junior High. In general, our family is gypsy-like and we�re apt to move around. However, as we�ve gotten older we�re settling more. But not in ENTown. However, EN�s family is quite prominent in ENTown. Very prominent. Actually. If you see the name on any sign, they�re related. And, they all look alike. EN looks just like his dad. Anyway, we checked into the hotel and walked to the funeral home. That particular funeral home has been there forever. Shoot, I remember attending my first love�s funeral there back in high school. It�s the place to go when you die. Ironically, when we first moved to ENTown, we thought it was a restaurant because it�s so fancy, yet understated. Here�s what I learned about XBIL�s death. Like I said, XBIL didn�t show up to work, which was uncharacteristic. His work called his parents. (Small town.) His parents went to his house. His mother climbed through an extremely small window, discovered XBIL and immediately went outside and told her husband to check it out. So to speak. Apparently, XBIL came home from work, showered, made dinner, did the dishes and then laid on the couch to watch TV and read. However, when he died, his face hit the floor but the rest of him did not. In other words, all the blood ran to one side of his face and pooled there. He was also wearing his reading glasses which apparently left an impression. Eventually, they did an autopsy. With all that combined, the funeral home suggested a closed casket type of thing. However, EN wanted to say goodbye. To him. To his face. (Oddly reminiscent of MyDad�s funeral. And, ironically, they both died on the same day � just one year apart.) Anyway, the mortician told EN he would do what he could, but, basically, his face would probably be jacked up. Hence the family viewing. They told EN they�d do what they could, and if it wasn�t good, they could do a closed casket thing for the public viewing. That first viewing is where my presence was requested. And, all of XBIL�s family was there. XBIL�s parents recognized me and welcomed me, but the rest� I don�t know. I do know they recognized me as one of the �Irony� sisters (heh) but they couldn�t remember which one so they stayed away. However, I was there for DS and EN so that didn�t matter. EN sat in the lobby for a long time before he moved to the back of the viewing room. Since he is XBIL�s only child, we watched him like a hawk. We just waited for him to make a move. And, he finally did. It was unexpected. He suddenly lurched (and that�s the perfect word for that action) forward, grabbed a box of Kleenex from a relative and proceeded straight towards to casket. Like a flash. DS and EN�s grandfather practically ran to catch up with him. They were up there for a long time. After that, I told DS that I wanted to see XBIL and asked her to go with me. Not so much for support, but just that his whole family was standing back and I didn�t want to go alone. And, for good reason. I mean, come on, you should know by now that I can�t keep my smart mouth shut for long. I�ve just learned who I can spout off in front of. Remember, we were looking at DS�s dead ex-husband. The father of her firstborn. Just saying. (CI:) Oh my God. He looks way better than the last two times I saw him. Way better. (DS:) Yeah. I thought the same thing. (CI:) Wait, did I just say he looks better dead? I didn�t mean that. I just meant that he looks better than I expected. Well, and better than he looked the last two times I saw him. I�m going to hell, aren�t I? I�m sorry. (DS:) Don�t be. He does look better. I have to say, the mortician did a great job. There were no signs of injury at all. And, EN did a great job of choosing his clothing. He also did a great job of standing his ground on having an open casket. Apparently, many people had called XBIL�s parents, and even the mortuary, to request that last viewing. There are so many things going through my head. So many of them are things that wouldn�t mean much to you. But, I�ll say them anyway. Just randomly. Since I�m prattling and all. Again, I have to say that StepMom is truly a saint. She was our taxi, our support, our entertainer (of Happy). I probably thanked her a hundred times, in addition to giving her a gift as a token of our appreciation. Yet, there was a particular moment that I don�t want to forget. This is that. (CI:) (In the car heading to dinner at XBIL�s parents� house on Friday night.) StepMom, I just want to thank you for everything� I mean, EVERYTHING. It means so much. Thank you. (SM) (She said something in Duetch � German � that I translated into English, to the best of my ability.) I do because I am your Mother. (Note: She isn�t German, but I�ve taken to calling her Mutti � and she�s Oma to the grandkids � and she lived in Germany for 20 years with my father. She knows I know enough to translate that.) Music to my ears. MUSIC. And, EXBIL�s parents/family are saints also. They invited us over for dinner on Friday, and of course, over for today. It�s odd for me because I was there in my early teens but then sporadically over the last 20 years or so. Drop off and pick ups of EN pretty much. But, I�ve always been like Switzerland. Neutral Zone. No problems, no issues. I had no idea that XBIL�s mother asks EN about all of us sisters every time she talks to him. No idea. None. Even more startling, all four of us girls ended up at XBIL�s parents� house. It takes a lot of work to get us all together. And, it was weird, because old neighbors were there too. You know, people who still live in the same houses, in the same hood. And, frankly, I don�t know what it is about us sisters, but people always get excited when they see us all together. I don�t know what that�s about, but it happens a lot. However, I will say that I didn�t think either EldestSister or YoungerSister would make it there � since they weren�t at home at Thanksgiving � so, of course, I promptly ratted out YS to StepMom the first time we went to XBIL�s parents� house. Remember how I said that we lived right next door when we were younger? Yeah. See, StepMom was thinking �neighborhood�, not right next door. Anyway, when we lived there, YS was in Kindergarten and she fell madly in love with the young boy across the street. They got �married� in Kindergarten. So to speak. Well, outside of that young man, the whole rest of that family was there today. And, good lord, they still look the same and you�d know their daughter from a mile away. That was one set of parents that were thrilled to see all of us sisters together again in the same neighborhood. It went on from there. And, EN really stepped up. He�s only 21, yet he�s responsible for XBIL�s �estate�. He�s had assistance from XBIL�s parents, of course, but they�re letting him call the shots. They were amazed by his diplomacy. He�s already gone through the personal property and he set things aside for each member of XBIL�s family. The most touching thing he did? He put his most favorite beanie � he always has one or twenty, but this was his most favorite one � a cigarette lighter (for his dad, heh) and the most recent sonogram of his soon-to-be-born son � in his dad�s casket. Under his hands. I think the best moment, though, was when StepMom suggested that we do something other than a funeral for next Thanksgiving. Amen to that. your thoughts? seed flower