12:19 a.m. | 2004-01-29 Have You Seen, Er, Heard My Voice Anywhere? It�s Seems To Be Missing. Yeah so, I�ve lost my voice. Or, I�m losing it. It�s been cutting in and out like bad cellphone reception. Sometimes, it gets really deep � kinda like Trance, except not that sultry. I mean, I�d like to think that I sound sultry, but, really, my voice just goes a little deeper. Then, of course, it cuts out all together, and when my voice returns, I sound like a squealing pig. As you can imagine, I�m getting mixed reactions to this new development. The people who've known me for a while, like Colleague and BFB and random other people who feel comfortable around me, ask me if I�m okay. Most of my new colleagues won�t or haven�t commented on it, unless someone else brings it up. Like this. (InternOne:) Excuse me, CI, do you have a moment? (CI:) �ure. �ave A eeeAT. (InternOne:) Thanks. What�s wrong with your voice? (OMC:) Yeah, what happened? (CI:) It �an aWAAAy. (InternOne:) Oh, okay. Here�s what I need to know. However, UA and NewBoss both find it hysterically funny. As do I. UA noticed the difference yesterday, when my voice kept changing pitch. She couldn�t talk to me without laughing. I thought it was funny too, and particularly astute on her part. But, it wasn�t really obvious until today. And here�s what NewBoss had to say about it. (CI:) �ey OsS, Got �o inIT? (NB:) What the hell is wrong with your voice? Are you sick? If you�re sick, don�t even come near me. (CI:) �fEEL fine. (NB:) Sorry. Your voice is cracking me up. I can�t talk to you without laughing. But, go ahead. And really, I do feel fine. I don�t feel sick, I just sound like it. Just for the record, every time NewBoss cracked up, I�d start laughing. Because of the laughter and my inability to talk, I relied more on gestures to fill in the gaps. Turns out that my bright red palms (sponsored by the fibro that NewBoss doesn�t know about) also make him bust up. For the sake of brevity, I�ll actually write what I was saying without the special effects. Just keep in mind that both my voice and my hands were making him laugh. (CI:) Are you laughing at me? (NB:) Yes. (CI:) For god�s sake, I can�t even talk and you�re laughing at me? (NB:) Yes. And, while we�re on the subject, what is up with your hands? They�re killing me! (CI:) My hands? You mean the fact that they�re beet red? (NB:) Yes, consistently so. (CI:) Yeah that. That�s due to my superpower � didn�t I include that on my resume? (NB:) Not that I recall. (CI:) Well, I don�t normally tell people that I have a superpower, so I probably left that out. Is it an issue for you? (NB:) I don�t have �issues�. (CI:) Oh, okay. Does it bother you or distract you in any way. I mean, I had a boss (10 years ago) � well, I had to sit on my hands because she got so distracted by them that she couldn�t listen to me. (She was a great boss though. For the record.) (NB:) Not a problem for me. I not only hear you � ha ha � I listen to you to. (He does.) It just cracks me up is all. Frankly, I don�t care if my right elbow cracks him up. As long as he�s laughing, I�m cool with that. I have to say, though, that I really appreciate the fact that I can dissolve him to laughter tears just by not being able to talk and having red hands. Imagine what I could do with my wit. In other work-related news, I heard one of the funniest things today. But, give me a moment � I have to set it up a little. When I first went to NewWorkPlace for my interview, I noticed there were paper signs, strategically placed, that said UA�s name was not VA. I asked UA about that right off the bat. She indicated that people had come on board and started calling her by the wrong name (VA) and the signs were an attempt to re-program �those� people so that they�d call her UA. I found the main culprit today. Another colleague (GS). He actually walked down the hall to �our� (OMC and I) office to answer a question I had asked him. After that, he was talking to OMC. That is that. (OMC:) I heard that someone else was handling this a certain way. Should I do that too? And, how would I do that? (GS:) Yeah, you should. Just ask VA� (CI:) UA! (GS:) What�d I say? Did I say VA? (OMC & CI:) Yes! (GS:) Sorry. I�ll start over. Just ask VA� (OMC & CI:) UA! (GS:) I did it again. Damn. Okay, I�ll concentrate this time. (Deep breath.) So, just ask VA� (CI:) UA DAMMIT! It�s UA! (GS:) That�s what I said right. I said VA. (CI:) Noooo! UA! (OMC:) You�re the reason that there�s signs everywhere huh? (GS:) Well yeah. Because I keep calling VA VA. (CI:) Stop it! (GS:) What? Did I say it again? (CI:) Look, you said it twice in a row this time. You�ve got a problem; this is now an intervention. (GS:) Oh good, I need that. (CI:) Do you know UA DifferentLastName? (GS:) Yes, of course. Hey, that�s a good way to remember VA�s name. (CI:) UA�s name. And, yes it is. Think UA DifferentLastName. Recite it for pete�s sake. Please. If he keeps it up, I say shitcan the signs and I�ll personally tattoo it on the fingers of his right hand. Presuming he�s right-handed. And, I�ll even do it in a girly script. Or at least, threaten all that. Lest you get the wrong idea, I like GS. I�m just confounded by the fact that he can actually say VA and believe that he's saying UA. It seems that he�s convicted about it and believes that UA is really VA. Heh. Truly, truly convicted. Just like the pharmacy lady. your thoughts? seed flower