10:55 p.m. | 2005-02-07 I�ve Never Excelled At Sports. The Dating Game Is No Exception. A long, long time ago, had I just said �yes�, I�d be telling you that I�ve been married for twenty years. However, I said no. I�m quite glad that I did, but I wonder about where I�d be now if I�d have capitulated to marriage. It�s no surprise to me that I just used the term capitulated. Honestly, I�m not one who�s quick to walk down the aisle. But, yeah. Had I done that, I�d be miserable about now. And, most likely divorced. That�s neither good nor bad. It just is. I�ve found that I�d rather be single and happy than married/together and miserable. I don�t date well. As you might�ve noticed, I�ve been particularly introspective lately. I�ve learned that I�m not so good with the dating game. That�s fine since I�ve discovered that I�m the common denominator. (I need to work that formula backwards I guess.) Hence, the introspective work. There have been offers though. Trust me. Way too many tempting offers. But, I don�t think I�m ready quite yet so I�ve been declining them. Not an easy thing to do. I�m not getting any younger either, so that�s a consideration. Not really a serious consideration though since I take on what life gives me when I�m ready. I don�t much follow �society rules� and, fortunately, I don�t seem to have a �biological clock�. That�s good because chances are that I�m never going to have a child. But, I might. (Trying not to jinx myself.) In this lifetime, I�d be happy to find myself completely peaceful. I definitely have to work through some more things before I put my dance card back on the table. Mostly, I just need to open up. Be vulnerable. Take down the walls, lower the shields. Not a strong suit for me though. The more walls I build the more assholes I date. Truly. On its face, that seems like an odd phenomenon, but when you think about it, it�s not. I just need to be myself. Strangely, I tend to excel at that. Maybe I just need to be more of myself. Or perhaps, I need to stop thinking so much. Nah. I just need to not date anybody right now. Which is good because I�m definitely excelling at that. your thoughts? seed flower