10:07 p.m. | 2005-12-14 Ten-Four Good Buddy, Over And Out. Back in the day when people communicated via primitive devices (e.g. telephones without call-waiting, CB radios, distance-restricted walky-talkies) people were much more deliberate and decisive with words. When words are few, the messages are often clearer. There�s so much chatter nowadays with all the devices and whatnot. Too many ways to communicate, I think. People don�t so much edit anymore. Words flow freely. Often, excessively. The point gets lost a lot. My recent visit with MyMother brought this to my attention. Our visits are so infrequent we were careful with our words. Plus, neither of us had interfering devices. Well, outside of MyMother�s telephone. A landline to be clear. The caller? She�s 94 years old � which I gathered rather quickly hearing only one side � so I had no issue with that interruption. I was rather surprised, initially, that MyMother took the call as she taught us that it was rude to answer the phone when you have company. However, she also taught us that when a caller may be calling for the last time, you need to take the call. Even so, she immediately told the caller that she had company � again, following the rule book � but the caller didn�t seem to hear that so the conversation continued. Immediately after MyMother hung up, she apologized for being rude in taking a call while I was visiting. I quickly dismissed her concern. Lest you think �communication� was not overly administered and frequently stifled in my family, reread the above paragraph. If you want to understand one reason why my childhood was often painful, read it again. Rules, rules and rules. All about the rules. But, back to our visit. Speaking of rules, I broke them all this time around. Didn�t properly follow her directions to her home, asked her pointed, rather than polite, questions and even dared to suggest that it was wasteful to buy a plastic gingerbread man Christmas decoration personalized with my EXBIL�s name since he was an asshole and all � you know, when he was alive. For the record, I�m quite sure DearestSister would agree with me. However, by suggesting that DS� ex shouldn�t be represented AND speaking ill of the dead, I seriously crossed many lines of proper etiquette. Yet, MyMother chuckled. Nervously, of course, but still she chuckled. Perhaps that�s what made me go even further. I asked MyMother a lot of questions and gave her a lot of honest feedback. Like this. (CI:) I know you and your mother never got along. What was one thing you really disliked about her? (MM:) Hmmm. She was really serious all the time. I hated that my siblings and I could never make any noise. That was hard. Which is why I was never like that with you girls (me and my siblings). (CI:) Really? That�s interesting. I didn�t know that about GrandMother. I have to say though that I get nervous when people make noise. It makes me really uncomfortable. (MM:) (Chuckling.) Maybe I didn�t do so well with you girls. I thought I did. (CI:) (Chuckling.) Not so much with that, I think. (MM:) Sorry. (CI:) No worries. Quite interesting actually. I always wondered where that came from. There were many more moments like that. I knew MyMother was very nervous about my visit and she was quite anxious the whole time because we�ve always had a tenuous relationship. However, I was there to mend fences, not to rake her over the coals. Once she realized that I really hadn�t come to judge or criticize (which I�ve done many times in the past; or my whole life), she was much more open. We�ve never spent much time together. Okay, we've never spent time with each other. Ever. I think I have a better read on her than she has on me, is all. Okay. That�s bullshit. We�ve both changed to some degree. I�m just more forward now. Willing to take some chances in order to have a real relationship. Not scared to share my thoughts. And, she�s been quite receptive. Now we seem to be able to share in an exchange of thoughts � you know, talk � and that�s quite an achievement for us. A welcome one. Especially since I�m very intrigued by the fact that she wants to write stories. She gave me an example of her writing � her history � and it�s good as far as writing goes. She�s written throughout her whole life. Her writing is excellent. However, she can�t write a story. Nor can she tell one verbally. Her linguistic skills are also outstanding though. I�d love to collaborate with her and maybe give her some direction. If she could put her words together in a different fashion � either written or oral � her stories would be amazing. A little guidance and she�d be off and running. Her raw talent is awesome. Maybe that�s what we�ll talk about next time. That I can even fathom a next time? Absolutely amazing. Trust me on that. I�m making some serious strides here. Serious. your thoughts? seed flower