9:53 p.m. | 2006-02-08 Where Am I Now? As it stands, it�s been three years and a six weeks since MyDad died. For those in the know, his death lit a firestorm in my family. His death was followed by five more deaths. Each impactful in different ways. But his death had the most impact on my life. Oddly (ha!), no one asks about how you are three years and six weeks later. It�s risky business that. And, because no one�s asked, I�ll tell you. You, my mindful readers. I�m good. That�s important I think for those who are in more current states of grief. It does get better. Much better. I miss him a lot. That�s for sure. We were close when I was young, we went through years of estrangement and then resolved all that a mere two weeks before he died. It seems I would be conflicted. I was at first. Not now though. So much is cleared up through death, ironically. At least in my experience. It took a while, but I talk about MyDad and his death without shedding a tear. I think I understand a lot more now. In the period following his death, I couldn�t speak without tearing up. However, I eventually learned that I was shedding tears for me, not for him. It was about my loss. In fact, the last time I talked to him, he wasn�t feeling well. He was so tired. Tired of life, I think. His life was not so easy and I think he felt he�d done his time. He was ready to go. I knew that the last time I saw him. I wasn�t ready to accept it, but I did know it. But, it�s so very hard to let people go. Even when they�re ready. That�s about us though. About me in this particular case. After three years and six weeks, I�m quite okay with it. I miss MyDad quite a bit and I wish I would have had more time with him, but that�s not what happened. He was ready to go. I don�t tear up anymore when I talk about his death. I�m comfortable with it. Death is a part of life, I�ve always known that � and that is easier to say than to experience � yet it is still the truth. In my experience with death though, it only gets better if you can let go. If you can�t let go, especially with a parent, it will mark you for life. If you can�t let go in general � to anything in life � loss will be your worst nightmare. I�ve been there; don�t go there. Trust me. It�s only worse when people are involved. Learn to deal with loss. Understand that it�s part of life. Grieve, of course, because you�ll never get past anything if you don�t. Feel it, live it and move on. That�s the best I can advise from where I sit. If you don�t grieve your losses, big or small, your life will become very small and narrow. And, frankly, no one will want to hang out with you. Ever. If this was a Public Service Announcement, it�d say this: Grieve and move on, it�s the new black. (Okay, maybe not.) Or maybe this: Don�t be a sad sack, be a gob smack. (Okay, too old fashioned and glib.) Or maybe this: Loss is like floss; out with the old and in with the new. (Okay, insensitive and dismissive.) Or maybe this: Value the people in your life, realize that life is short and grieve when you need to grieve. (Okay, realistic, succinct and over simplified.) But, I�m sure you get my drift. Work it out. Don�t ever put your tears in someone else�s hand. Hold them firmly in your own. your thoughts? seed flower