11:10 p.m. | 2006-02-17 Life Is What Happens When You�re Not Looking. Recently, I was brushing my teeth when I noticed it. It�s subtle but there. It wasn�t there when I was five. When I was five, I lived on a farm. I ran around a lot, swung from trees and made mudpies. It would�ve been idyllic except that I was locked outside. Forced to find fun. It wasn�t there when I was ten. When I was memorizing the whole school play even though I only played the lead part. It would�ve been more fun if I hadn�t had to play the part of a boy. For goodness sakes. Being a girl playing a boy? Please. I had to �cootie spray� myself. Cootie spray is only so effective though. It clearly didn�t repel the partners my parents swapped. It wasn�t there when I was fifteen. When I thought I knew everything. Except I didn�t. I learned that marriage is not forever. At least for my parents. It wasn�t there when I was twenty. When I�d been living on my own for several years and realized that college was key for me. As was work. Marriage? Not so much. Ironically, I still have the ring. The one I�ve never worn. It wasn�t there when I was twenty-five. When I�d experienced almost a decade of the daily grind plus college at night. When making mudpies seemed absolutely idyllic. When loneliness was a frequent guest. It wasn�t there when I was thirty. When I decided to prolong the work/school experience by attending law school. When sleep was elusive and humiliation was rampant. It wasn�t there when I was thirty-five. When my schooling ended with my law school graduation. When I realized that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. It wasn�t there when I was forty. When I was done with school, finally, and I was happy with my professional career. When I discovered that I never would've signed up for the work I do now. When I learned that happenstance can be wonderful. And enlightening. It is there now though. When I�m forty-one. The first wrinkle. Actually, I�m sure it�s not the first one. Just the first one that I�ve noticed. It�s odd. The first time you look in a mirror and see a wrinkle. I�ve had/have a few grey hairs, of course, but I�ve always plucked them out and went on my way. Can�t really do that with a wrinkle. And, it�s not only one. I have more. Suddenly, I spend more time looking in the mirror. The looking? Not ego driven at all. It�s more exploratory at this point. And, more to the point, I know it�s progressive. At forty-one, it�s the first time I�ve looked in the mirror and faced that fact that I�m going to wrinkle. A lot. I mean, I�m going to keep aging right? That means more wrinkles and grey hairs are waiting in the wings. At forty-one, I finally realize that I�ll be eighty or whatever at some point. I�m on the other side. As some would say. I don�t so much like that part. Or, not at all. On the other hand? Oh. My. Gosh. The wisdom I�ve gained over the years? Nothing could be sweeter. It�s totally underrated in today�s society, of course, but wow. I�ll happily take on some wrinkles and grey hairs in exchange for the wisdom and confidence that I�ve, frankly, earned over the last forty-one years. If you�re young, poo-poo it all you want. I have no issue with that because you, my friend, are going to age just as much as I have. Not right this second, much to my chagrin, but you will. Yes indeed you will. Good luck with that. I see my wrinkles, grey hair, age spots, wisdom, experience and insight as very positive developments. And, I really don�t care if anyone else blows it off. Really I don�t. I�m comfortable in my own skin. Are you? your thoughts? seed flower